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How do I stop negative thoughts?

July 24, 2015 By Kay Walker

Trying to explain major depression to someone who has never truly experienced is close to impossible. I liken it to a woman explaining to a man what it feels like to give birth.  Or, for a woman to think about what it’s like to give birth before they actually do it.  It’s very difficult to describe the physical experience without going through it firsthand.How do I stop negative thoughts

When an individual is struggling with a major depression they have negative thoughts that they can’t turn off. The thoughts never stop and the affect how that person experiences the world. So in relation they’ll take actions to deal with the thoughts by trying to escape them or trying to feel pleasure. Common actions are: Sleeping, substance abuse, self-harm, overeating.

To someone who has never experienced depression you may see these actions as laziness or reckless behavior. They are simply coping mechanisms, and quite often they are used to help the person get through their day and try to push away the pervasive negative thoughts.

This article will help you understand what’s going on inside the body of a depressed person and how it affects their thoughts and their life experience.

How do I stop negative thoughts?

Why is it difficult to think positively when a person is dealing with depression?

Major depression is caused by a brain chemical imbalance, so at the physiological level it is impossible for an individual who is suffering to think positively. That is, until they treat the brain chemical issue.

It’s easy to understand this if you think about how your body functions. Your brain is your control center, which allows you to produce thoughts, to experience the world, and to interact with the world using your motor skills. When a system in your brain malfunctions (there are a number of reasons why this happens), then it can alter the way you perceive the world.

There are a number of key brain regions and neurochemicals that are connected to mood. A person with major depression has a malfunction in the communication pathways that allow them to experience pleasure. External input from your senses is still processed, but the functions for positive mood are essentially “turned off”. Therefore a person with depression can only experience their environment as negative.

There is no specific formula that leads to major depression because there are many different causes:

Brain regions. There are brain regions connected to mood that when damaged or impacted by disease, accidents or hormonal changes, can malfunction. Common regions that can malfunction include: Amygdala, Thalamus, Ventromedial cortex, Hippocampus

Brain chemicals. There are brain chemicals connected to mood that can be affected by poor health choices related to diet, drug use, hormonal shifts, disease and damage to the physical brain. Common ones are: Serotonin, Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Acetylcholine, Glutamate, Gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA).

Genetics. Scientists suspect that genetics may play a role in mood. There have been many research studies, although this link is not well understood.

Neuroplasticity. The way you learn to think about situations and deal with emotions also plays a role in mood. Through a process known as neuroplasticity, your brain’s anatomy alters. It creates and prunes communication pathways as you experience the world. Brain patterns are reinforced as you repeat behaviors. That includes negative behavior patterns. As these are reinforced, they become automatic, and can result in depression.

What you can do to interrupt negative thinking:

  1. Be aware. Understand that thoughts are not reality. Life is experienced through perception, which is made up of what we learn and believe. It’s subjective. So what seems true or real for one person is not for another. Understanding that your thoughts are not a reflection of reality, can give you the ability to disrupt negative thinking and choose not to respond to them. Lack of awareness of your thoughts can result in automatic actions. So if you think you are a “loser” and believe that you are one, then you will act like one. If you are aware of this thought however, you can acknowledge the thought as just a thought, then take different actions.
  1. Diversion. When negative thoughts cycle around in your head sometimes the best thing to do is to divert those thoughts by distracting yourself. Here are some activities:
  • Visual art activities that are very basic, such as painting ceramics, creating an abstract painting
  • Gardening
  • Using an guided audio meditation or visualization exercise to help you relax
  • Listening to music through earphones
  • Watching television or a movie
  • Spending time with or talking to someone you love
  • Spending time with animals
  • Physical activities
  1. Learn how to use affirmations. These are positive statements that you say to yourself in your head or out loud that help you separate what is real from what is not. Even using the affirmation “these negative thoughts are not real, they don’t mean anything” can stop you from being affected by the negative thoughts.

Why learning objective thinking skills is important:

When a depressed person get treated for the brain chemical issue that’s causing a depressed mood, one of the best things they can do is learn positive thinking skills. These skills are not commonly taught in formal education, so most people never learn how to deal with challenging situations in proactive ways.

A popular treatment used by psychologists and therapists today is called Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). A key tenet of CBT teaches patients that thoughts are made up of two components. Reality: What actually happened. And unreality: what we think about what happened. The latter is generated by our beliefs and what we learned in the past. Because of this thoughts can become “warped” so that you start to believe things that aren’t true.

An easy way to learn to look at situations clearly is to separate facts from feelings in any complex situations you are dealing with. Here’s an example.

A young boy gets attacked and bitten by the neighbor’s dog, name Duke. Each time thereafter when he sees a dog his thoughts are: “I need to stay away from that dog. It might bite me”. His way of protecting himself from dogs is to avoid them. Overtime, the more dogs he avoids, the more he becomes afraid and reinforces the thought “dogs are dangerous”.

If he were to separate the facts here’s what it would look like:

  • When I was young, I was bitten by the neighbor’s dog.
  • The neighbor never trained the dog, so the dog likely did not learn good behaviors
  • The neighbors did not take safe measures to tie up their dog
  • There are many dogs in the world. Different sizes and types. Some are well trained and some aren’t

Based on the facts the thought “dogs are dangerous” makes no sense in reality. The truth is one dog was dangerous: the neighbor’s dog Duke. So other dogs may be very kind and loving. Going through that thought process would allow the boy in the example to eventually learn to enjoy dogs.

When you learn to think objectively what actually happens is neither negative or positive. There is what is, in reality, and what you choose to belief about it. So, if you learn to think positively about a situation you can learn to take proactive behaviors that will help you build a better life.

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: bad thinking patterns, brain patterns, depression, How do I stop negative thoughts, negative thinking, Negative thinking and depression, negative thoughts

Legal Disclaimer for Online Medical Advice

July 24, 2015 By Andy Walker

This site is not designed to and does not provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion, treatment or services to you or to any other individual. Through this site and linkages to other sites, ReadThisBeforeYouKillYourself.com and its parent Cyberwalker Digital LLC provides general information for educational purposes only. The information provided in this site, or through linkages to other sites, is not a substitute for medical or professional care, and you should not use the information in place of a visit, call consultation or the advice of your physician or other healthcare provider. ReadThisBeforeYouKillYourself.com and its parent Cyberwalker Digital LLC is not liable or responsible for any advice, course of treatment, diagnosis or any other information, services or product you obtain through this site. IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATELY CALL 911 OR YOUR PHYSICIAN. If you believe you have any other health problem, or if you have any questions regarding your health or a medical condition, you should promptly consult your physician or other healthcare provider. Never disregard medical or professional advice, or delay seeking it, because of something you read on this site or a linked website. Never rely on information on this website in place of seeking professional medical advice. You should also ask your physician or other healthcare provider to assist you in interpreting any information in this Site or in the linked websites, or in applying the information to your individual case. Health and medical information changes constantly. Therefore the information on this Site or on the linked websites should not be considered current, complete or exhaustive, nor should you rely on such information to recommend a course of treatment for you or any other individual. Reliance on any information provided on this Site or any linked websites is solely at your own risk. ReadThisBeforeYouKillYourself.com and its parent Cyberwalker Digital LLC does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, products, procedures, opinions or other information that may be provided on the linked websites. The linked websites may contain text, graphics, images or information that you find offensive (e.g., sexually explicit). ReadThisBeforeYouKillYourself.com and its parent Cyberwalker Digital LLC, its licensors and its suppliers have no control over and accept no responsibility for such materials.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: advice, disclaimer, legal, medical, online

Stop negative behavior with this character modeling exercise

July 10, 2015 By Kay Walker

This tool was developed by Kay Walker, creator of this site and author of Read This Before You Kill Yourself

Stop negative behavior with this character modeling exercise

If your behavior does not match how you would like to behave, you can change it using what I call the Character Modeling tool. It’s an exercise I developed to help you quickly stop negative behavior and replace it with positive behaviors.Stop negative behavior with this character modeling exercise

When you identify a behavior you want to change, you can change it simply by stepping into the beingness of another person. This person can be fictional or factual. It’s like role playing. It uses “the fake it till you make it principle”, allowing you to act like someone else until you can learn how to do it yourself.

Here’s how to use the Character Modeling tool:

Step 1: Choose or create a person with the behaviors you’d like to exhibit. This should be a person you’d like to be like.

Step 2: Define all the character traits that person would exhibit in a similar situation to you. You can think of this before a given situation occurs or as it happens.

Step 3: Be that person. You do this by staying present to what that person would do and how they would behave if they faced the same situation. In a sense you are role playing.

Personally, I tend to use powerful famous women that I look up to.  When I have to interview someone who intimates me I choose to be Oprah WInfrey.

Here is how I see Oprah’s behaviors during an interview: Confident, personable, empathetic, human (relatable), authentic, not trying to be perfect, genuine.

When I step into being these traits I almost forget who I am and the fears that are hold me back.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: character modeling tool, negative behavior, suicide prevention

How to be a health advocate for someone who is suicidal or depressed

July 10, 2015 By Kay Walker

How to be a health advocate for someone who is suicidal or depressedWhat is a health advocate?

A health advocate is someone who has been appointed to help care for and manage the affairs of the sick individual. They do not need to have any medical qualification, just a commitment to help support the sick person.

Why health advocates are necessary for people with depression

Here’s some advice I always give to people who are struggling with major depression, which explains why they need to appoint someone to be a health advocate:

When you were a kid your mom likely stayed home from work to take care of you when you were sick.  She made you chicken soup. She bathed you. She wrapped you up in a blanket. She kissed you.  She was in charge of taking care of you, so you could be in charge of focusing on getting healthy.

When you’re depressed it’s the same thing. You need help and care from those around you.  Though, you may be trying to do things yourself because when you don’t have physical symptoms you may think it’s up to you to “pull yourself together”.

Depression is neurological disorder.  You need to heal even if you can’t see that you need to heal. Give yourself time.

Once you’ve been labeled with a mental illness you can seen as “unreliable” and “unstable” in the eyes of the world.  Mood irregularity is a symptom and so, sometimes people think you can’t be trusted, and you may not be seeing things for what they really are.  Whether it’s true or not, this is what many people think and believe. That includes professionals.

If you appoint yourself or ask for permission to be a health advocate for your loved one, here are some of the crucial roles you’ll need to play:

Character alibi: Vouch for their character and help explain their actions. This will help professionals understand what is “normal” behavior for them.

Safety monitor: You’ll need to keep an eye on them. Call and check on them frequently. Make sure they are safe. Ensure their environment is safe.

Someone to talk to who will listen and be supportive:  Sometimes they need to vent or share their pain with someone. It helps you get it out. And being listened to and understood can make them feel less alone.

A second in command: You can take over and perform specific tasks when they aren’t able to. You can do things like: Pick their kids up and drive them to school, deliver a meal, or, take your dogs for walk.

Finance manager: When you’re sick unfortunately the bills you have to pay don’t go away. You can help them reduce their costs, communicate with credit collectors and banks, or, pay bills and make trips to the back. You might also help financially (but only if you’d like to and are able to, and don’t expect anything in return).

Spokesperson: You can talk for the when they can’t.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: advocate, depressed, health, someone, suicidal

Why a safety contract is better than a safety plan

July 10, 2015 By Kay Walker

Suicide prevention courses often teach crisis support workers and loved ones to develop a safety plan with their suffering friends or family member.  The safety plan is a step-by-step plan with contact information and actions that the suffering individual will take to stay safe when they feel that they are starting to consider suicide.

While I think this is valuable for some people, being someone who was once suicidal, I have trouble understanding the effectiveness of a safety plan. Because the fact of the matter is, if someone truly wants to end their life they will take the actions to do so and disregard the safety plan.

An easy way to understand this is to consider this analogy:  A person committed to losing weight disregards eating healthy, in a moment of “feeling like a piece of cake” even when they have a plan to not eat the cake. The difference is suicide is irreversible.

So, here’s what I suggest is more effective to stopping someone commit suicide.  It’s a contract that I’ve named the “Promise to live agreement”.  This contract is signed by the suicidal person and a witness.

Reasons I suggest a contract is more effective than a safety plan:

  • Most people have a moral issue with breaking a contract.
  • This agreement is signed by a witness. Most people value what they promise and give their word to.
  • The contract stops the person from considering suicide and puts the idea on hold for a period of time.  Sometimes telling someone they can’t do something spurs them to want to do it more.

Here is an example of a “Promise to live agreement”

Use this template as a basis and formulate one with your own negotiated stipulations.

PROMISE TO LIVE AGREEMENT

1: PROMISE TO ABSTAIN FROM SUICIDAL ACTION I promise not to take any actions towards ending my life for the next 3 days. Even though, I am in a lot of pain, by initialing this statement I will sustain from taking any harmful actions against myself (or that could endanger others). I will do my best to remember that thoughts and actions are two different things. Although I may experience thoughts of suicide I will not do anything about them.

Initial here: ________

2. PROMISE TO ABSTAIN FROM DRUGS AND ALCOHOL I understand that suicidal thoughts and my depression can worsen if I abuse substances such as drugs and alcohol. I promise that during over the next 3 days I will abstain from alcohol and drug use. (With the exception of medication that’s been described to treat your illness). I will also not abuse prescription drugs.

Initial here: ________

3. PROMISE TO CREATE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT During the reading of this book, I will ensure I am in a safe environment. I will remove items myself, or get help from a loved one, to remove all items I could use to hurt myself. This includes: Firearms, knives and blades, ropes, chemicals (including household cleaning products) and large amounts of pills. I will have a loved one monitor and distribute any prescription medicine I need during this time.

Initial here: ________

4. PROMISE TO DISCLOSE DISTRESS IN IMMEDIATE CRISIS If at any moment I feel unable to control my urges, or that my situation worsens during the next 3 days I promise to call 911.

Initial here: ________

Your signature : ________________________Witness:_______________________ Date: _________

 

Need more information so you can help a loved one who is considering suicide?  Purchase this book that will teach you everything you need to know about suicide prevention:  http://depression.zone/suicide-prevention-book

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: suicide prevention

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