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Dealing with a mental health diagnosis

March 27, 2015 By Kay Walker

Dealing with a mental health diagnosis

When you receive a formal diagnosis from a health professional you will feel one or a combination of the following emotions:

Relief / elation that you’ve discovered why you feel the way you do. Now that you know what’s going on, there are actions you can take that can help alleviate your symptoms.

Your thoughts might look something like: “Thank goodness I know what’s wrong with me, now I can get treatment and get better”

Fear of not being in complete control of your mood and behavior at times. Or, fear for the impact it could have on the rest of your life (ie. will it impact your work/ relationships/what people think about you). Or, you may experience fear from not fully know what to expect from your disorder.

Your thoughts might be something like this: “If I’m Bipolar 1, will anyone ever want to marry me? What if I end up cheating on them at some point. Can I even trust myself any more”.

Anger that this is happening to you.

Your thoughts might be something like: “I can’t take this depression anymore! My life was great until this happened to me”

Sadness because who you thought you were is suddenly different. You may be upset that you need to make new lifestyle choices that you don’t necessarily want to make. Or, sad that dreams you had no longer seem possible.

Your thoughts might be something like: “I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s too painful”

If you are experiencing any of the above emotional states, what you are feeling is completely normal. No matter how you feel, the following list of actions will assist you in dealing with this difficult moment in your life in a powerful way. Taking immediate action will help you establish control in a position where you feel like you have none.

The minute you receive a mental disorder diagnosis from a qualified healthcare provider – that is, a General Practitioner, Psychologist or Psychiatrist – do the following:

Step 1: Get a second diagnosis:

You may even want to get two more (for a total of three diagnosis). If the professionals are aligned, it’s highly likely the diagnosis is accurate. It’s important you understand, that the way doctors diagnosis mental illnesses today is not fully precise. The way most mental illnesses are established are through verbal interviews.

This method of diagnosis, does not factor in the variable: Perception. If you want to understand this more visit the article: by clicking the link at the bottom of this page.

Step 2: Do your own research

Learn as much as you can about the disorder you’ve been given as a diagnosis. Read multiple resources, not just one. The more you know, the more you understand, and the more you can think for yourself.

Step 3: Interview close family / friends

Share your diagnosis and explain how the doctor arrived at it, to family members and friends that are actively involved in your life. These people know a lot about you. Many of them have also witnessed your behavior. So, what they think (though not a formal diagnosis) helps a doctor understand what the core problem is.

It will also help you validate or invalidate the diagnosis. For example, if you’re doctor suspects you have Bipolar I, but you don’t agree, polling your loved ones will help you see things you may not have seen before. Or, they will help you to build your case and search for a second opinion.

Often, medical professionals don’t get the full picture. This can cause a misdiagnosis. Which, can also lead to the incorrect treatment.

Remember: A mental disorder diagnosis always requires a thorough investigation from a qualified physician. The more evidence they have, the more they can piece together what is really going on.

Have your doctor interview others in your life. Or, ask if you can bring them with you to your appointment. It’s important you give them the space to say what they need to, even though some of those things may not be easy for you to hear.

Step 4: Don’t take it personally

It’s not your fault that you have a mental disorder. It is an illness that’s built up over time in your brain and body. It’s been caused by internal and external variables. And, it’s much like the flu even though you can’t explain it or point to it to prove it to others. It’s important you remember there is nothing wrong with you.

If your illness has caused you to behave in irrational or hurtful ways, understand that it doesn’t mean anything about you as a person. For example, if you’ve been a reclus because you are suffering from depression, it’s not entirely in your control to be social with loved ones.

The best thing you can do is learn about your illness, so you can be in control of it. Don’t let it be pervasive in your life either. Once you know you have a disorder it’s easy to let yourself off the hook for certain behaviors. You have a disorder and you still have control.

Step 5: Take action

Don’t just wait around for help to come to you. Take action. Even if the action you take is to ask someone to take action for you. When you take action, whether it results in positive or negative effects, it will lead you to a new place. The forward momentum will immediately put you in the power seat of your life.

What to do when a loved one says: “I want to kill myself”

March 14, 2015 By Kay Walker

When you hear one of these phrases from a friend or family member, it’s terrifying:

“I want to die”

“I’ve been thinking about killing myself”

“I don’t want to live anymore”

No one ever teaches us how to have these types of conversations. This article will give you some guidance on how to effectively communicate with your loved one, to support them, and get them to a place where they are out of immediate danger.

It’s not your job to fix this person or make them feel better. It’s your job to listen. You are a triage point of care. It’s your job to help ease painful symptoms and get this person to a qualified healthcare provider for care.

What to do when a loved one says: “I want to kill myself”

How to talk to someone who is suicidal

When a loved one calls you, emails you, texts you or says: “I’ve been thinking about killing myself”, these tips will help guide you in what to say:

Take yourself out of the conversation. It might make you very upset when you hear your loved one talk about ending their life. It’s important you understand this conversation has nothing to do with you.

Though, it can drive up some emotions for you that are very hard to deal with. People deal with emergency situations in many different ways – sadness, anger, avoidance, control.

Do your best to put your feelings aside in the moment. If you immediately start getting upset and say things like: “You can’t kill yourself. I can’t live without you”, or get angry and say things like: “That’s so selfish of you. Pull yourself together”, it will do nothing to help your loved one.

If you feel intense emotions, keep them to yourself at this point in time. There is a time to share. But it’s not now. So, if you are about to say something that has the word “I” in it, slow down and think about your words before you speak.

Make them feel accepted. If your loved one shares suicidal thoughts with you, they are being very vulnerable. A person considering suicide may be embarrassed, confused, think others might think they are crazy, and/or feel very alone.

Reassure them. Tell them that what they are feeling is not wrong or abnormal. Make them feel understood by sharing a personal tough time you had that you’ve overcome, if you can relate to the situation. If you can’t relate, it’s okay to say so, but ask them questions and then do more research on your own time to learn about how they feel so you can help them.

Here are some things you could say:

Relate to them: “Wow, I didn’t know you’ve been feeling so terrible. I never told you this, but when I was young I went through something similar…”

Understand what they are going through without judgement: “I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with right now, but I want to help you in any way I can. What do you need from me?…”

Empower them by sharing about the strength you know they have: “I know you might feel alone right now but many people consider suicide at difficult times in life. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. I know who you are. You are more powerful than what you are feeling right now…”

Just listening is a powerful tool. It will make them feel heard. It will allow them to get the thoughts circling through their head out.

Probe gently to find out how serious they are about suicide. It’s important you gain an understanding of how bad the situation is right now. This will help you and other mental health professionals understand the severity of your loved ones mental state. Probe gently by asking questions such as:

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

“What’s making your feel this way?”

“Have you considered how you would actually take your life?”

“Is there anything you’ve been doing to try and make yourself feel better?”

It will help you assess how close to actually committing suicide you think they are. If they’ve been investigating ways to do it, get help immediately. If they’ve been thinking about it seriously for more than two weeks, get help immediately.

You also might want to do a little investigating. You may want to check the search history on their personal computer. Or talk to other close family members and friends about what they think or know.

But, make sure they do not find out. They trust you and you don’t want to do anything to break that trust, however, the more you understand, the more you can help. You may have to go behind their back, but it’s only for good. Suicidal people can be very secretive.

Ask them, straight out, how you can support them. Make sure you ask them what they need. They may or may not give you some suggestions. Be sure to include this in your conversation. You could say:

“What do you need from me right now?”

“How can I help you?”

“Can I set up an appointment with you and Dr. S?”

Get into immediate action. Put the rest of your life on hold and deal with this immediately. A person considering suicide takes priority over everything else. Don’t learn this the hard way by thinking you’ve got time and realizing it’s too late after they’re gone. This happens all to often.

They need to see a professional immediately. The best thing for them is to call 911 or have them committed to a mental health facility. Though, this may be difficult for you, it’s what they need to get better.

Need support right away? Send a private message to our support team and receive a response within 24 hours. We will help to guide you in the right direction. [CLICK HERE]

Myths about suicide and depression – and what you can do

March 14, 2015 By Kay Walker Leave a Comment

Myth: The people who talk about suicide don’t take their lives

Research studies show that 75% or more of all suicides took actions in the weeks or months before their deaths that clearly shows they were in deep despair. Any person that expresses suicidal feelings should get immediate attention from a professional and support from friends and family.

Myth: Anyone who tries to kill himself is crazy

Only about 10% of all suicidal people are psychotic or have delusional beliefs about reality. Most suicidal people are suffering from severe depression; but many depressed people can still manage their daily lives and function. If someone is not acting crazy or weird, it doesn’t mean there is no risk of suicide. Seemingly completely normal acting people someones are suffering in silence and take their lives unexpectedly.

Those problems weren’t enough to commit suicide over, is often said by people who knew a completed suicide. You cannot assume that because you feel something is not worth being suicidal about, that the person you are with feels the same way. It is not how bad the problem is, but how badly it’s hurting the person who has it.

Remember: Suicidal behavior is a cry for help.

Myth: If a someone is going to kill himself, nothing can stop him

The fact that a person is still alive is adequate proof that part of them wants to remain alive. The suicidal person tends to be ambivalent — part of them wants to live and part of them wants the pain to end and death is way to stop it. It is the part of the sufferer that really wants to live that says to another person: I want to kill myself. If a suicidal person reaches out to you, it is likely because they believe you are caring, informed about coping with life, and they feel they can trust you. No matter how negative they may seem, the act of speaking about suicide to you is an act of reaching out and a request for help .

Give help sooner

Suicide prevention is not a sudden act. It is a planned process. Many suicidal people are afraid that asking for help will bring them additional pain because others might react by telling the sufferer that they are stupid, foolish, (in some cases) sinful. Some might be accused of manipulation. Other reactions can be rejection or punishment. There is a fear of suspension from school or job. Your job as the recipient of a cry for help it to everything you can to reduce their pain, rather than increase or prolong it. Helping, listening and offering support early as possible will reduce the risk of suicide.

Be available to listen

Give the person every opportunity to unburden his troubles and ventilate his feelings. You don’t need to say much and there are no magic words. If you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it. Give him relief from being alone with their pain and let them know you are grateful that they turned to you. Offer: patience, sympathy, acceptance. And do not engage in arguments or give advice. Ask them pointedly: Are you considering suicide?

Myth: Talking about suicide might give someone the idea to take their life

People already have the idea. Suicide is in the news media all the time. If you ask a depressed person this question you are doing a good thing for them: you are showing him that you care about him, that you take him seriously, you are listening and that you are there to let him share his pain with you. You are giving him a way to get rid of his painful feelings. If the person is having thoughts of suicide, find out how far along his ideas are about taking his life. It is just thoughts or has he started to plan actions?

If the person is clearly suicidal and ready to act, do not leave them alone.

If the means to take their lives are available then remove them.
Urge professional help.
You will need persistence and patience and may needed to seek, engage and continue to suggest as many options as possible.
If the person finds a professional to help them, continue to be available for them and offer your ongoing support and care.

Seek allies and help for yourself

Your suffering friend may say: “Don’t tell anyone.” It is the part of them that wants to stay alive that is sharing the secret with you that they may take their own life. Go and get your own help. Find someone you can trust and who can support you and review the situation with them. (You can get help and still protect someone’s privacy, if you wish.) Sharing your own anxieties and responsibilities of suicide prevention will make it easier and more effective.

Most people have suicidal thoughts or feelings at some point in their lives; yet less than 2% of all deaths are suicides. Nearly all suicidal people suffer from conditions that will pass with time or with the help of a mental health recovery program. There are hundreds of small and simple steps you can take to improve your response to a suicidal person and to make it easy for them to find and get help. Taking these steps will save a life and reduce his suffering.

Suicide warning signs

March 12, 2015 By Kay Walker Leave a Comment

According to MentalHealth.gov the US authority on laws governing mental health,

approximately 100 Americans die by suicide each day. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15-24 year olds and more than 8 million adults in the United States had serious thoughts of suicide within the past 12 months.

Major suicide warning signs

If someone you know is showing one or more of the following behaviors, he or she may be thinking about suicide. Don’t ignore these warning signs.

Talking about wanting to committing suicide. The more he says he wants to die the more he means it. If you feel his talk of wanting to die is getting more frequent, get help now. Do not leave him alone.
Researching suicide. There are online resources that suggest ways to kill yourself. Check to see if your loved one has been doing this type of research.
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
Talking about being a burden to others
Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
Sleeping too little or too much
Withdrawing or feeling isolated
Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
Displaying extreme mood swings

How to help a suicidal loved one

March 12, 2015 By Kay Walker

The most important thing you need to know about supporting a suicidal friend or family member is that it’s not your job to fix them. It’s not your job to give advice. It’s not your job to save them.

It is, however, your job to help them get professional help. And to be a safe place where they can come and feel listened to and supported in a loving way.

It’s a fine balance and this article will help.

How to help a suicidal loved one

It’s on you to make sure they get professional help. You need to silently appoint yourself their health advocate. “Silently”, because you don’t want them to feel like their not in charge of her life anymore. If you make them do things forcefully, they will resent you. They may even do the opposite out of spite. Right now, they need someone who is healthy to help them get professional help. It could be hard for them to do this themselves. They are dealing with an illness that affects their mood, body and energy levels.
Educate yourself about suicide and depression. Learning will help you understand what your loved one is going through. If you’ve never felt suicidal or had major depression yourself, it’s impossible for you to fully relate. When you can’t relate, it’s hard to provide the right kind of support. So, read articles, books and talk to many other people. Call suicide prevention lines or health centers and get advice. When you understand what they’re going through it will translate. It will come out in your communicate. You’ll learn to ask the right questions and to take helpful actions. This will make them feel closer to you and safe in your relationship.
Embrace community. Share with the people in your life what’s going on. When you feel comfortable and where appropriate, it’s okay to confide in others – friends, family members, co-workers – about what you are dealing with, with your loved one. You’ll find that people are generally willing to help. They may even share stories that will help you feel like you’re not alone. They may point you to resources. This is not the time for you to be strong. It’s not a time for you to keep things private. It’s not always easy to talk about suicide or depression, but when you do, you’ll find it affects more people then you ever thought.
Get professional help for yourself. During this time you could be dealing with a lot of stress and confusion about what to do, among the normal things you have to deal with in your own life. Seek professional therapeutic help from a mental health professional. This could be a personal coach, a psychologist, a crisis prevention hotline, or an online forum.
Learn your rights and her rights. When it comes to suicide and mental health there are specific rights given to family members. If your loved one is severely depressed and you can’t get them to get help you can enact specific rights. In Canada, it’s called a Form 2. A policeman will take them away and ensure they get immediate medical attention at a hospital. It’s tough love, and it could save a life.
Don’t wait. Their life is in your hands and it’s a priority. Don’t think that it will get better. Don’t wait. Get in action now. If your loved ons has been depressed and/or suicidal for more than two weeks you need to know that this is a dangerous situation.