Learn - Page 7 of 7 - Parents of Depressed Teens

How to resolve an upset with someone you love

January 17, 2016 By Andy Walker

Learn how to easily resolve an upset with someone you love. Here are the steps to reconciliation after a disagreement or misunderstanding that has resulted in anger or broken an otherwise loving or lose relationship with family or a good friend.

NOTE: While this exercise was written for is for depression fighters and their caregivers, it can work for anyone.

1) First, take responsibility for not “getting” them, even if you think you have. They don’t think you have, so you haven’t in their eyes. Let them be right.

2) Listen to what they have to say about the situation and look at where you can improve how you are supporting them. Ask them where you’ve failed to do this. And where you have succeeded. Have a frank conversation.

3) Repeat what they ask for back to them. Use their words so they know they have been heard. (This is critical.) If they say: “I need you to stop nagging me.” Say “Ok I understand – I need to stop nagging you. And I will.” Not: “I will stop bugging you to get off the couch.” Use the exact words they use. Only then will they know they have been heard by you.

4) Tell them you want to work with them as a team – together, to get them well. Ask for their buy in. If this isn’t a depressed person, find out what they are struggling with and offer to be a teammate on that.

5) Tell them you’ll do whatever it takes to get them well. Ask for a commitment from them to get well, and do what it takes.

6) Finally, tell them you are out to become an expert in depression (or their problem issue) because knowledge is your secret weapon in this fight. You can’t win unless you know the enemy extremely well.

How your digestive system affects your mood

July 15, 2015 By Kay Walker

If you’ve seen a health professional (or professionals) for depression and no one has asked you the question: “Are you regular?”, you need to understand how having a healthy bowel is related to your mood. (Aside from the fact that having irregular bowel movements is uncomfortable).

I learned about the connection in 2008. I was taking a low dose of an antidepressant (prescribed to me during my teen years) that I was trying to wean off of, and went to see a naturopathic doctor.

He asked me how often I passed a bowel movement. I explained I was constantly irregular: “Sometimes I only go once a week!” I told him. He explained that the situation was problematic and was likely causing my depressed mood. He prescribed me a combination of healthy bowel supplements, which I took by mouth. I started having daily bowel movements. My mood improved and I was able to discontinue my antidepressants. At the time, I never felt happier.

Your digestive system impacts your mood

Did you know, your body has two brains?

Your gut is the component of your digestive track that allows your body to digest food and process it into waste and eliminate it, by sending it out your anus.

What most people don’t know about the gut is that it works independently. It’s the only organ that works without being controlled by your cranial brain (the one inside your skull). That means, it’s also wired with a network of neurons (brain cells). There are approximately 400 to 600 million neurons in your gut.

For this reason, the gut is commonly called the “second brain” or “gut brain”. And it’s pre-empted a new school of research called neurogastroenterology.

How the cranial brain and gut brain interact

Your gut brain manufactures approximately 30 neurotransmitters (brain chemicals). It talks to the brain in your head, your cranial brain, by sending messages through a region at the based of your brain that extends to abdomen, called the vagus nerve.

Your gut brain sends signals to your cranial brain that affect feelings of sadness, stress and that influence your thinking processes. Both brains produce the neurotransmitter (chemical messenger) serotonin. And get this: Your gut produces 95 percent of all the serotonin in your body. Your guts also makes 50% of the dopamine (another feel good brain chemical) in your body.

So, are you regular?

Frequency: Are you passing a bowel anywhere from 1-3 times a day. These averages suggest a normal range, though some individuals go slightly less (3-5 times per week) and some go more (up to 4 times per day). As you long as you are going at least every other day and you feel comfortable (you’re not dealing with stomach pain or discomfort) it’s likely not affecting your mood.

Appearance: Your bowel movements should be a shade of brown. They are brown because your liver produces a substance called bile, which helps your body break down and eliminate food. If your stool (your poop) is black or has red in it, you may have blood in your stool. This may suggest other serious illnesses.

Last thoughts on bowel health

If you are irregular, you’ll want to tell your doctor. You’ll be able to learn of ways that you can get your bowels back in working order. To learn more about the connection between your brain and gut check out the book Second Brain by Michael Gershon.

And if you’d like to discover other issues that could be affecting your mood, or learn about therapies that can help you, grab a copy of the book: Read This Before You Kill Yourself.

How to be a health advocate for a teen who is suicidal or depressed

July 10, 2015 By Kay Walker

What is a health advocate?

A health advocate is someone who has been appointed to help care for and manage the affairs of the sick individual. They do not need to have any medical qualification, just a commitment to help support the sick person.

Why health advocates are necessary for teens with depression

Here’s some advice I always give to people who are struggling with major depression, which explains why they need to appoint someone to be a health advocate:

When you were a kid your mom likely stayed home from work to take care of you when you were sick. She made you chicken soup. She bathed you. She wrapped you up in a blanket. She kissed you. She was in charge of taking care of you, so you could be in charge of focusing on getting healthy.

When you’re depressed it’s the same thing. You need help and care from those around you. Though, you may be trying to do things yourself because when you don’t have physical symptoms you may think it’s up to you to “pull yourself together”. Teens especially need that support because they are still for all intents and purposes children, although they straddle the border between childhood and adulthood..

Depression is neurological disorder. Depressed teens need to heal even if no one can see that they need to heal. Give them time.

Once anyone has been been labeled with a mental illness they can seen as “unreliable” and “unstable” in the eyes of the world.

Mood irregularity is a symptom and so, sometimes people think you can’t be trusted, and your teen may not be seeing things for what they really are. Whether it’s true or not, this is what many people think and believe. That includes professionals.

If you appoint yourself or ask for permission to be a health advocate for your teen, here are some of the crucial roles you’ll need to play:

Character alibi: Vouch for their character and help explain their actions. This will help professionals understand what is “normal” behavior for them.

Safety monitor: You’ll need to keep an eye on them. Check on them frequently. Make sure they are safe. Ensure their environment is safe.

Someone to talk to who will listen and be supportive: Sometimes they need to vent or share their pain with someone. It helps you get it out. And being listened to and understood can make them feel less alone and frustrated.

A second in command: As their parent you are used to taking over and performing specific tasks when they aren’t able to. You need to step this up if they are depressed. Do things like: Drive them to school, make sure they eat. Help them with everyday tasks.

Spokesperson: You can talk for them when they can’t – or won’t.