suicide prevention

Are suicidal thoughts normal?

June 9, 2015 By Kay Walker

Thinking about suicide or your own death from time to time is normal behavior. These ideas are rarely discussed openly because it is a topic most people are embarrassed to admit they think about. That said if you are in mid-life and engaging in end-of-life planning, that is a responsible part of being an adult. Death after all is inevitable at the end of a natural life. However, considering a premature death or suicide is not healthy.

That makes it difficult for experts to accurately quantify how many suicidal thoughts is “normal”.

Many experts agree that 100% of people will entertain at least one or more thoughts of suicide over the course of their life. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Having thoughts of suicide can be therapeutic.

Sometimes entertaining suicidal thoughts are like watching a sad movie when you feel unhappy. Allowing yourself to let go and feel your emotions can help you release pent-up emotional pain. It’s a way of comforting yourself.

Thinking about suicide doesn’t mean it’s an option. It’s an internal barometer you might use to measure how bad you are feeling. It can also signal to you what’s not working in your life. In this case, it’s a helpful survival mechanism.

If you’re not depressed, when you think about suicide here is what it may mean:

Suicide points to a personal crisis that’s often related to a lack of self-expression. Ask yourself these questions:

Are you feeling stuck in a situation you “feel” you can’t get out of?
Does your life have a purpose?
Do you get out of bed in the morning because you have important things to accomplish that matter to you?

If you answered no to these questions, it’s common to think “what’s the point?”. This is when thoughts of depression and suicide commonly arise.

Are suicidal thoughts normal? Find out what is considered “normal” behavior

What’s important to understand is the point at which mild thoughts turn into serious considerations. When you start to notice suicidal thoughts are becoming more frequent they need to be addressed immediately.

The following list compare what’s normal vs. suicidal warning signs. It will help you understand if you are at serious risk of taking an action that could result in suicide. You might being having thoughts of suicide but you could be denying the reality that you are really in a state that requires professional help.

WHAT’S NORMAL?

A brief passing thought about suicide from time to time. It could be related to something bad that’s happened or is happening in your life. Often if you are in a rough time and feel like life is hard it’s not abnormal to have a thought or two about not wanting to get up to your day. You may think thoughts like “life is hard, sometimes I wish I were dead”. If the thoughts do not increase in frequency and persist for more than two days or till the situation is dealt with you could be at risk.
Thoughts about wondering if you’ll be missed if you were to die from time to time
Feeling depressed about an aspect of your life. It could be related to your: Career, relationships, physical health, or finances.
1-2 days of low mood – feeling inexplicably sad for no apparent reason – it could be caused by life circumstances or hormone shifts. If you make it to the three day mark go talk to a doctor
Binge eating or drinking spats or avoiding people from time to time during times of stress

SUICIDE WARNING SIGNS

When thoughts about killing yourself increase in frequency. If you think about it at a minimum three times a day for a minimum of two days. If the thoughts are not going away or they are getting worse, get help right away. Talk to someone you can trust or call 911
Telling someone you’ve been thinking about wanting to die or to killing yourself.
Searching for ways to kill yourself. If you’ve researched how to kill yourself online or you’ve taken an action like purchasing a gun or storing medication “just in case”
Thinking and talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live. Your thoughts and feelings are getting worse or have been constant for at least two days
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
If you’re living with physical pain and it’s starts to feel like you can’t deal with anymore. If you try to shut off the pain with sleep or substances this is a major warning sign
Believing that you are a burden to others. If you’re taking actions in line with these thoughts you might be isolating yourself socially, spending more time alone.
Using substances like alcohol and/or drugs to get through your day or to sleep at night
If you aren’t sleeping properly this can affect your mood. It’s normal to have sleepless nights once and a while due to stress. If you haven’t been sleeping well for a minimum of more than two nights in a row and you are not awake for a specific reason that you can pinpoint
If you’re acting recklessly it shows a carelessness for living. It also is a sign of other illnesses related to mood disorders that involve depression and can lead to suicide. You could be at a high risk of suicide, even if you don’t know it yet.
Visiting, calling, or sending messages to friends to say goodbye. Or, giving away prized possessions. If you’ve been preparing for death you are at a high risk.

If you feel embarrassed or ridiculous for thinking about death or suicide, that’s normal. It’s not easy to confront these thoughts or deal with them. But, if you see yourself in this list of warning signs don’t wait to get help. Without immediate help, you could get worse fast. Call 911 now or click here to visit a list of crisis support lines.

Lastly, what’s important to remember right now is that your thoughts are not “real” and by taking more healthy actions, they will pass. That’s the first step is telling someone you trust, how you feel.

Factors that relate to wellness

May 31, 2015 By Kay Walker

What is: Wellness?

The term “wellness” means having a mostly positive state of mind and a physically fit body, which results in a feeling of satisfaction for your life.

I say “mostly positive” because your state of mind changes on a moment to moment basis. Wellness doesn’t mean you are always happy. It means you have a baseline of happiness that comes from being satisfied with your life, this does not go away when difficult life challenges arise.

How do you know if you’re “well”? Defining wellness:

Wellness is difficult to measure because it’s not something tangible we can see. It can’t be graded in distance, time, or form. It can only be measured by the way you feel. And while feelings are valid, because they dictate what we do in life, they can’t be seen or mapped. Feelings are individual. It’s a personal evaluation that relates to the overall level of satisfaction that you have for your life.

But what satisfies one person doesn’t necessary satisfy another person. In general wellness can be characterized in the following way:

If your desires match the actions you’re taking – in other words, you are working towards what you’d like to accomplish -, and you’re body is functioning properly, you are well.

Factors that relate to wellness

Evaluating Wellness:

Many experts and organizations try to evaluate wellness by suggesting that humans have basic needs that must be met for us to feel well. What those needs are vary from expert to expert. Most wellness experts suggest that up to six of these areas of overall wellness make up what a person considers a satisfactory life:

Occupational health: satisfaction with your career

Physical health: satisfaction with your body and level of physical health

Spiritual health: connectedness with yourself and your values, which is often connected to a vehicle for you to connect with yourself, this could be Religion or Meditative practices.

Emotional health: understanding your feelings, why you feel them and how to deal with them

Intellectual health: challenging what you think and increasing your learning continuously

Social health: connecting intimately with people, this could be friends or family members

Global health or environmental health: being aware of your environment and how you relate to it

Financial health: how much money you have and what you believe you can achieve financially

The 6 spoke wheel metaphor:

Rather than look at wellness in such broad terms, I like to think of wellness wheel with six spokes. In the center of your wheel is the nut that holds all spokes together. This is represented by your relationship to yourself. It is at the centre because it relates to what you think, believe and the actions you take that make up the representation that is your current life.

If you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself – that is, you hate the way you look, your job, etc – it will affect all the other spokes on your wheel. If you don’t believe you’re good enough, you’re career is probably a reflection of this. You probably aren’t working in a field you enjoy. And if you are, you are likely always feeling like your disappointing or not quite getting to where you want to be.

Remember this: All spokes are bound by your relationship to yourself. If you don’t like yourself, working on your relationship to yourself will have you produce better results in your life.

Here are the components that I believe you need in your life to be “well”:

Self love
Physical health
Financial health
A career you love
An healthy environment
A community you can rely on
Fun!

I explain the model in the book Read This Before You Kill Yourself. Get your copy here.

Suicide support: What you need to know about helping your loved one

April 1, 2015 By Kay Walker

If you’re taking care of someone who is depressed or suicidal there are 3 things you need to know about supporting them effectively. These steps will help you help them and stay mentally fit while doing so.

Suicide support: What you need to know about helping your loved one

#1. Get mental health support for yourself: When you fly on a commercial flight most airlines have flight attends that walk you through safety procedures prior to lift off. They include how to use your oxygen mask and parachute. All of them advise that when flying with a baby or small child that the guardian must equip himself or herself first with safety gear before helping the child.

It’s the same with helping a loved one through suicide or depression. You need to be mentally stable. You need to understand how to effectively help and communicate with that person. You need to seek counsel yourself to deal with the emotions that come up from you.

You also need to make sure you clear yourself of all the mental crap that’s going on for you. If you start crying when they need strength, you won’t be able to provide them what they need.

Where to go for help? Align yourself with an accredited therapist your trust. This could be a life coach, psychotherapist, social worker, suicide prevention specialist, psychologist or psychiatrist. Many workplaces also offer this kind of support. Ask your employers about mental health benefits.

#2. Make choices for them: Whether you like it or not, you need to appoint yourself as the decision-maker, the health advocate, for your loved one. You can do this with permission, or silently take on the job without it.

Either way, depending on his mental state his judgement could be off of what he needs. Use your judgement. Ask others what they think. Ask professionals what they think. Then, make intelligent decisions that are in line with getting him help.

Go with them to appointments. Speak on their behalf when they can’t. Call the shots. In some circumstances they don’t have to like what you are doing. All your actions need to be in line with what’s best for the patient (your loved one) and how to help save them from making a mistake they can’t take back like suicide.

#3. Never leave someone who is suicidal alone. If you are concerned about your loved one or they have said to you that they feel suicidal, do not leave them alone. This doesn’t mean it’s your job to watch them. The easiest way to get someone into the care they need is to call 911. At a hospital they will have access to immediate care from professionals.

If they are currently working, you can contact their employer or insurance provider and find out what resources are available.

If you live in Canada, you can file a Form 2. This temporarily restricts the rights of your loved one for 72 hours. A police officer will take them away and bring them to a hospital where they will receive a psychiatric evaluation before being permitted to leave hospital.

Need immediate support? Click here to use our Ask An Expert feature. You will receive a response within 24-hours with actions you can take from qualified mental health experts.

What to do when a loved one says: “I want to kill myself”

March 14, 2015 By Kay Walker

When you hear one of these phrases from a friend or family member, it’s terrifying:

“I want to die”

“I’ve been thinking about killing myself”

“I don’t want to live anymore”

No one ever teaches us how to have these types of conversations. This article will give you some guidance on how to effectively communicate with your loved one, to support them, and get them to a place where they are out of immediate danger.

It’s not your job to fix this person or make them feel better. It’s your job to listen. You are a triage point of care. It’s your job to help ease painful symptoms and get this person to a qualified healthcare provider for care.

What to do when a loved one says: “I want to kill myself”

How to talk to someone who is suicidal

When a loved one calls you, emails you, texts you or says: “I’ve been thinking about killing myself”, these tips will help guide you in what to say:

Take yourself out of the conversation. It might make you very upset when you hear your loved one talk about ending their life. It’s important you understand this conversation has nothing to do with you.

Though, it can drive up some emotions for you that are very hard to deal with. People deal with emergency situations in many different ways – sadness, anger, avoidance, control.

Do your best to put your feelings aside in the moment. If you immediately start getting upset and say things like: “You can’t kill yourself. I can’t live without you”, or get angry and say things like: “That’s so selfish of you. Pull yourself together”, it will do nothing to help your loved one.

If you feel intense emotions, keep them to yourself at this point in time. There is a time to share. But it’s not now. So, if you are about to say something that has the word “I” in it, slow down and think about your words before you speak.

Make them feel accepted. If your loved one shares suicidal thoughts with you, they are being very vulnerable. A person considering suicide may be embarrassed, confused, think others might think they are crazy, and/or feel very alone.

Reassure them. Tell them that what they are feeling is not wrong or abnormal. Make them feel understood by sharing a personal tough time you had that you’ve overcome, if you can relate to the situation. If you can’t relate, it’s okay to say so, but ask them questions and then do more research on your own time to learn about how they feel so you can help them.

Here are some things you could say:

Relate to them: “Wow, I didn’t know you’ve been feeling so terrible. I never told you this, but when I was young I went through something similar…”

Understand what they are going through without judgement: “I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with right now, but I want to help you in any way I can. What do you need from me?…”

Empower them by sharing about the strength you know they have: “I know you might feel alone right now but many people consider suicide at difficult times in life. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. I know who you are. You are more powerful than what you are feeling right now…”

Just listening is a powerful tool. It will make them feel heard. It will allow them to get the thoughts circling through their head out.

Probe gently to find out how serious they are about suicide. It’s important you gain an understanding of how bad the situation is right now. This will help you and other mental health professionals understand the severity of your loved ones mental state. Probe gently by asking questions such as:

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

“What’s making your feel this way?”

“Have you considered how you would actually take your life?”

“Is there anything you’ve been doing to try and make yourself feel better?”

It will help you assess how close to actually committing suicide you think they are. If they’ve been investigating ways to do it, get help immediately. If they’ve been thinking about it seriously for more than two weeks, get help immediately.

You also might want to do a little investigating. You may want to check the search history on their personal computer. Or talk to other close family members and friends about what they think or know.

But, make sure they do not find out. They trust you and you don’t want to do anything to break that trust, however, the more you understand, the more you can help. You may have to go behind their back, but it’s only for good. Suicidal people can be very secretive.

Ask them, straight out, how you can support them. Make sure you ask them what they need. They may or may not give you some suggestions. Be sure to include this in your conversation. You could say:

“What do you need from me right now?”

“How can I help you?”

“Can I set up an appointment with you and Dr. S?”

Get into immediate action. Put the rest of your life on hold and deal with this immediately. A person considering suicide takes priority over everything else. Don’t learn this the hard way by thinking you’ve got time and realizing it’s too late after they’re gone. This happens all to often.

They need to see a professional immediately. The best thing for them is to call 911 or have them committed to a mental health facility. Though, this may be difficult for you, it’s what they need to get better.

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Myths about suicide and depression – and what you can do

March 14, 2015 By Kay Walker Leave a Comment

Myth: The people who talk about suicide don’t take their lives

Research studies show that 75% or more of all suicides took actions in the weeks or months before their deaths that clearly shows they were in deep despair. Any person that expresses suicidal feelings should get immediate attention from a professional and support from friends and family.

Myth: Anyone who tries to kill himself is crazy

Only about 10% of all suicidal people are psychotic or have delusional beliefs about reality. Most suicidal people are suffering from severe depression; but many depressed people can still manage their daily lives and function. If someone is not acting crazy or weird, it doesn’t mean there is no risk of suicide. Seemingly completely normal acting people someones are suffering in silence and take their lives unexpectedly.

Those problems weren’t enough to commit suicide over, is often said by people who knew a completed suicide. You cannot assume that because you feel something is not worth being suicidal about, that the person you are with feels the same way. It is not how bad the problem is, but how badly it’s hurting the person who has it.

Remember: Suicidal behavior is a cry for help.

Myth: If a someone is going to kill himself, nothing can stop him

The fact that a person is still alive is adequate proof that part of them wants to remain alive. The suicidal person tends to be ambivalent — part of them wants to live and part of them wants the pain to end and death is way to stop it. It is the part of the sufferer that really wants to live that says to another person: I want to kill myself. If a suicidal person reaches out to you, it is likely because they believe you are caring, informed about coping with life, and they feel they can trust you. No matter how negative they may seem, the act of speaking about suicide to you is an act of reaching out and a request for help .

Give help sooner

Suicide prevention is not a sudden act. It is a planned process. Many suicidal people are afraid that asking for help will bring them additional pain because others might react by telling the sufferer that they are stupid, foolish, (in some cases) sinful. Some might be accused of manipulation. Other reactions can be rejection or punishment. There is a fear of suspension from school or job. Your job as the recipient of a cry for help it to everything you can to reduce their pain, rather than increase or prolong it. Helping, listening and offering support early as possible will reduce the risk of suicide.

Be available to listen

Give the person every opportunity to unburden his troubles and ventilate his feelings. You don’t need to say much and there are no magic words. If you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it. Give him relief from being alone with their pain and let them know you are grateful that they turned to you. Offer: patience, sympathy, acceptance. And do not engage in arguments or give advice. Ask them pointedly: Are you considering suicide?

Myth: Talking about suicide might give someone the idea to take their life

People already have the idea. Suicide is in the news media all the time. If you ask a depressed person this question you are doing a good thing for them: you are showing him that you care about him, that you take him seriously, you are listening and that you are there to let him share his pain with you. You are giving him a way to get rid of his painful feelings. If the person is having thoughts of suicide, find out how far along his ideas are about taking his life. It is just thoughts or has he started to plan actions?

If the person is clearly suicidal and ready to act, do not leave them alone.

If the means to take their lives are available then remove them.
Urge professional help.
You will need persistence and patience and may needed to seek, engage and continue to suggest as many options as possible.
If the person finds a professional to help them, continue to be available for them and offer your ongoing support and care.

Seek allies and help for yourself

Your suffering friend may say: “Don’t tell anyone.” It is the part of them that wants to stay alive that is sharing the secret with you that they may take their own life. Go and get your own help. Find someone you can trust and who can support you and review the situation with them. (You can get help and still protect someone’s privacy, if you wish.) Sharing your own anxieties and responsibilities of suicide prevention will make it easier and more effective.

Most people have suicidal thoughts or feelings at some point in their lives; yet less than 2% of all deaths are suicides. Nearly all suicidal people suffer from conditions that will pass with time or with the help of a mental health recovery program. There are hundreds of small and simple steps you can take to improve your response to a suicidal person and to make it easy for them to find and get help. Taking these steps will save a life and reduce his suffering.