Depression Fighter

Self help for depression fighters

Depression Fighters

The story of the zen farmer

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the story of the zen farmerThis story was shared with me by my personal coach Robin H.C., an incredible woman who gave me the gift of this Taoist story in a moment of difficulty in my life. I think of it whenever I have a bad experience and share it with others who need. 

The story of the zen farmer and his nosey neighbor Katcha

One day in late summer, an old zen farmer was sitting on his porch – as he did most days after he completed his work – drinking tea and eating Goji berry pastries with his nosey neighbor Katcha. But on this particular day a storm began to brew. There was a loud crack of thunder that spooked the zen farmer’s only horse and it took off into the distance headed for the mountains.

Katcha, the nosey neighbor, offered his condolences: “What a shame.  Now your only horse is gone.  How unfortunate you are! You must be very sad. How will you live, work the land, and prosper? This is the worst thing that has ever happened to you” The farmer replied: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see”

Two days the zen farmer and his nosey neighbor Katcha were drinking tea on the porch once again when the old horse came galloping back. He brought with him a fleet of wild horses. He had returned with twelve younger, healthier horses to help him tend to the land.

Katcha squealed: “How fortunate you are! I thought your horse running off was the worst thing that ever happened to you. As it turns out, it’s simply the best thing. Now you have many more horses. You will certainly have the most prosperous farm in all the land. Isn’t this the best thing that ever happened?”

The zen farmer replied: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see”

The following day, the farmer’s 18-year old son was training the wild horses while the zen farmer and his nosey neighbor Katcha drank their tea.  He was thrown to the ground by one of them and broke his leg.

“Oh no.” said nosey neighbor Katcha.” I thought when the day your horse ran off was by far the worst day of your life. But this, is certainly your worst day ever. What a tragedy!  Your son won’t be able to help you farm with a broken leg. You’ll have to do all the work yourself, How will you survive? You must be very sad”.

Once again, as he always did, the zen farmer said: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see”

Several days later a war broke out. The Emperor’s men arrived in the village demanding that all the young men in the village be  be conscripted.  The farmer’s son was deemed unfit because of his broken leg.

Nosey neighbor Katcha said: “What good fortune you have!!”

And, the farmer replied: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see.”

When the broken leg healed the son was only left with a slight limp. And by that time, most of the young village boys had died in the war. Lucky for the villagers the zen farmer and his son were still able to tend to their farm.   The old farmer became wealthy and generously shared his crops with the village.

They said: “Oh how fortunate we are, you must be very happy. You have such luck!”

To which, the zen farmer replied: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see.”

 

This story illustrates the inevitability of time. While you can only know for certain what’s happened in the past and present, you can not predict the future.  There is great comfort in this understanding,  In times where life is stressful, you can take heart knowing it will inevitably pass. There is no stopping time.

 

Future projections exercise

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Future projections exerciseWhen you are dealing with a difficult period in your life it’s important to remember the concept of time.  Here’s a definition to consider:

Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

Simply put, time is a continuum that starts the minute you are born and it never stops.  With each second  of a day that passes you become a different person.

This is a scientific fact. Even if you think you are the same and feel the same from moment to moment you are different. Your biology changes by the second. Your environment changes. And together these aspects shape you in the present moment.

This concept is at the core of Buddhist teachings. They call it impermanence.  It is a term used to explain that the world and our existence is in a constant state of flux.  Time passes on no matter what and no one can stop it.

This is an especially important concept to consider in moments where life is not working the you way you want it to. Sometimes it feels that things will never change or that it will never get better. That is impossible.

While feelings are relevant to the way you experience the world it has nothing to do with reality. Feelings can’t be measured in distance, time and form. And feelings change from moment to moment as time shifts and new things happen.

So, no matter how bad your situation, it helps to understand that it is inevitable that your situation will change. It may get worse for a while. It may get better.  But life is a constant state of ups and downs.

The more you accept that life is constantly changing with your control the more you can learn to go with the flow and take heart in bad times knowing it will get better.  What goes up inevitably must go down, and vice versa.  Sometimes it goes far down. But it always comes back up eventually.

Future projections exercise

  1. Find a quiet place to sit or lay with no distractions
  2. Set a 5 minute timer
  3. Close your eyes
  4. In your mind visualize yourself as you are right now.  Get present to your clothes, your body, your surroundings. Get present to your unhappiness. Get present to your depression.  Feel your sadness. Feel your pain. Do this for 1-2 minutes. Now, shift your thoughts to a future time where you are happy. You can be doing anything in this future memory. Include people you want. Cloth yourself and create your body the way you want it to look.  Feel how happy you are. See yourself doing something you love.  Think about how great it all is.  Stay in this memory for as long as you like or shift to another memory. If you like you can even travel to the past and visit your past accomplishments. Feel the happiness in moments that were incredible.
  5. When you open your eyes you will wake up and life will be as it was when you closes your eyes. But know it is now 5 minutes beyond the time it was so the world is already a different place. You are already closer to your future memory. What is right now, won’t be soon.

Keep this old adage present as you move into your day: “This too, shall pass”

Quotes to help you through

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Quote to get you throughWhen you have pervasive negative thoughts advice from people you admire can you help quickly shift your context, get out of your head and back to reality. The following is a list of quotes to empower you during tough moments of life. Simply read these quotes slowly and think about them to help shift your thinking and feel more positive.

(retrieved from brainyquote.com)

 

The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.

– Eminem

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

-Buddha

Into each life some rain must fall.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

 

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.

-Marie Curie

 

 

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.

-Grenville Kleiser

 

Depression is the inability to construct a future.

-Rollo May

 

 

It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.

-Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

-Phil Donahue

Why you need a health advocate

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When you were a kid your mom likely stayed home from work to take care of you when you were sick.  She made you chicken soup. She bathed you. She wrapped you up in a blanket. She kissed you.  She was in charge of taking care of you, so you could be in charge of focusing on getting healthy.

When you’re depressed it’s the same thing. You need help and care from those around you.  Though, you may be trying to do things yourself because when you don’t have physical symptoms you may think it’s up to you to “pull yourself together”. Why you need a health advocate

But remember, depression is neurological disorder.  You need to heal even if you can’t see that you need to heal. Give yourself time.

Align yourself with people who understand and can help with small things. It’s what friends and family are for. And when people love you they often feel it’s their job to step up when you need them. Sometimes, taking care of you will fulfill their need to feel wanted and needed.

While you might appoint a few people in your life to take on basic daily tasks that help lighten your load you will need to decide who you can give the role of health advocate.  This is a person who is considerate of what you are going through and willing to be responsible for your health. They will take you to appointments, go to appointments with you, be there for support when you need it.

It’s important that you need formally ask them to do this for you.  And they need to formally accept.  You don’t want them to feel burdened by your needs.

Why you need a health advocate

Once you’ve been labeled with a mental illness you can seen as “unreliable” and “unstable” in the eyes of the world.  Mood irregularity is a symptom and so, sometimes people think you can’t be trusted, and you may not be seeing things for what they really are.  Whether it’s true or not, this is what many people think and believe. Including professionals.

So, you need someone who knew you before you were sick and can tell if you are being authentic about things and can monitor much of your daily activity so they can back up your story.

Here’s the crucial roles a health advocate will play:

Aliby: They can vouch for your character and help explain your actions. This will help professionals understand what is “normal” behavior for you because everyone is different.

Safety monitor: Your health advocate can keep an eye on you. They will call you and check in on your frequently. They’ll make sure you are safe. They’ll ensure your environment is safe. They’ll prevent you from taking your life if you feel the urge to.

Someone to talk to who will listen and be supportive:  Sometimes you need to vent or share your pain with someone. It helps you get it out. And being listened to and understood can make you feel less alone.

A second in command: They can take over and perform specific tasks when you aren’t able to. They may pick your kids up and drive them to school.  Deliver a meal for you. Or, take your dogs for walk.

Finance manager: When you’re sick unfortunately the bills you have to pay don’t go away. An advocate can help you reduce your costs, communicate with credit collectors and banks, or, pay bills and make trips to the back. They might also help you financially (but never expect this, your finances are still your responsibility).

Spokesperson: When you can’t talk they talk for you.

You may have multiple people handling multiple aspects of your life. But it is best to have one of these people be on top of everything. This could mean managing other people to do things.

Need help right away?  Take the 7 Days to Feel Better Now course. It’s anonymous and will help you get back on your feet. CLICK HERE.

What does meditation do to your brain

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Meditation is a Buddhist derived practice that teaches you how to control and focus your thoughts, as well as, how you react in conjunction to what you think.  During the meditative act you learn how to develop a state of attention that’s highly alert and relaxed. The ultimate goal is to learn the skill of objectivity.  To “be with what is” in reality, with indifference to it.

What does meditation do to your brainThere are numerous types of meditation and each has specific guidelines.  For example, Metta meditation involves focusing thoughts on compassion. Vipassana meditation is highly active and involves being completely aware of physical states (some painful and some not) and being non-reactive to what you feel. In general, all types fall into one of two categories:

  1. Focused attention: involves focusing your attention on an object or subject during the whole meditation session. This object may be your breath, a mantra, a part of the body, an object, or a something you visualize such as a memory
  2. Open monitoring: keeping your attention open means monitoring all aspects of what you are experiencing and doing your best to be objective about it.

Meditation can be done while sitting but you can also actively meditate while walking or standing.

What does meditation do to your brain?

What scientific communities say about meditation:

Scientific studies prove that meditation has many benefits.  It’s been known to reverse heart disease, pain, regulate emotion, reduce stress and increase the body’s immune system and its ability of prevent and fight disease.

When the brains of meditators and non-meditators are compared their are also common structural changes. Most meditators have higher levels of Alpha waves, which helps to lessen anxiety and depression. There amygdala (a brain region that regulates emotion) is smaller while areas of learning, memory, and emotion regulation are larger and function better.

  • A 2014 study at Johns Hopkins found meditation to be as effective as antidepressants for treating depression.
  • In a study conducted by Harvard Medical School, researchers used MRI technology (a form of brain imaging) that allowed them to view activity in the brain during meditation.  Their findings showed that key brain regions activated was in charge of the autonomic nervous system, which regulates blood pressure and digestion. Those processes are intrinsically linked to stress response.

Benefits many people experience from meditation:

  • less anger
  • less stress
  • better sleep
  • fear reduction
  • physical sensations linked to emotions are reduced
  • better ability to socialize with other people (especially for people with social anxiety)
  • improved focus
  • improved attention and concentration
  • greater objectivity during life situation
  • increase patience
  • feeling more joyful
  • feeling more relaxed
  • greater empathy

A quick and easy way to try mediation:

  • Find a quiet space with no one around or distractions. Ensure the environment is dark and the temperature is comfortable for you.
  • Sit or lay in a comfortable position. You can be on the ground, in a chair, or bed
  • Set a 15 minute timer (you can increase the time as you get better)
  • Once you start the timer for fifteen minutes you will practice sitting quietly and focusing on your breath. Breath in through your nose and out through your nose. Focus on feeling the sensation of your breath. Focus on the sensations you feel as your breath moves in an out of your nose. Do this for the entire 15 minutes.  You will have thoughts during this time. Some will make sense and some won’t. When you have a though just allow yourself to think it and then practice setting it aside and bring your focus back to your breath.

This 15 minutes will likely be very difficult if you are not experienced in meditation.  Each time you practice, increase your time by 5 minutes. Try to work yourself up to an hour/day.

The key to knowing your meditation is working is that after a session you will feel relaxed, calm and joyful.