Depression Fighter

Self help for depression fighters

Depression Fighters

Affirmations and how they work

By

Affirmations and how they workWhat is an affirmation?

An affirmation is a statement or phrase that is either real or made up, that you say repeatedly to yourself to reinforce its truth. What you believe about yourself or a situations shapes your thoughts and your thoughts shape your behavior. So, if you can shift what you believe by forcing yourself to learn a new “truth”, your thoughts and behaviors will transform, as well.

Affirmations and how they work:

How affirmations work:

Your brain does not know the difference between what is real and what is fantasy. It’s easy to understand this concept by thinking about the way you interact with a movie.  Sometimes you get so caught up in what is happening on screen that you empathize with the characters by crying or laughing. (Aside: The same is true for visualizations. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a imagining action and actually doing it).

Affirmations help you reframe your thought patterns through the science of neuroplasticity. This is the brain’s ability to change structure through the process of thinking.  So processes that involve thinking – such as learning a new skill – have the ability to reshape the brain’s anatomy in both positive and negative ways.

Quick example of neuroplasticity: One famous study that led to the discovery of neuroplastictiy, proved that London taxi cab drivers had a larger brain region for memory (called the hippocampus) retention due to the job’s demands on them drivers ability to remember routes.

Affirmations allow you to shift what you think about a situation more quickly. Sometimes, even if you don’t quite believe them, they can help you think positively. Or they allow you to hold a reality based thought in your focus while you have a tendency to think otherwise.

That means, if you were once told you were fat when you were young, even as an adult you may have a tendency to think “I’m fat” or “I’m going to get fat”. And those thoughts may have nothing to do with your current reality if you stand on the scale. Eitherway, you tend to see the thought before the truth and that thought shapes your actions, in this case, dieting, starving yourself, working out to an extreme etc.

Thoughts get worse when they aren’t challenged by reality. This happens especially if you don’t test the thoughts in the real world by asking others for their opinion to validate what’s in your head. Additionally, when you spend too much time alone the thoughts learn to go round and round and can become pervasive and obsessive.

Choosing or creating an affirmation:

How do you know what to say to yourself? You can choose to say a phrase that empowers you by reading something that is already written.  Choose a quote and repeat it over and over. Start with five minutes a day. Use a phrase the helps you break out from your depressed mood, or make you feel a bite better. It could be as simple as: “This time in my life will pass, tomorrow will be better”. Or as personal as “I am the best Mary Kay sales woman in the region. Today I will land six sales. I will make calls I don’t want to make because I know the more conversations I have today, the closer I will get to earning a new car”

Affirmations don’t have to be true, but they do have to be believable to you and possible in reality. Therefore this would only work: “I will help millions of people” , if you believe you can actually do this. It is a stretch for some people.

How to create an affirmation that makes you feel confident, excites you, or improves your thoughts about a situation:

  1. Decide what it is you want most for yourself in the near future.
  2. Write down the reality of where you are in relation to that future. These should be FACTS only. That means they are variables that can be measured in distance time and form.
  3. The last one to four sentences should be positive or “I will” sentences that are completely made up but realistic and related to what you want in your future.
  4. Your affirmation can be as long or short as you want it to be.  You should not go over 25 sentences. It should be something you can read 1 or more times a day to presence yourself to what you’d like to achieve.

EXAMPLE:

“I have been living with a depressed mood for eight months. My body aches.  I have less energy than I used to.  I tend to sleep as much as I can through the day. I am frustrated because I’ve seen many doctors and am not getting healthier. I am taking antidepressants but I am getting sicker. I’ve gained 30lbs. I have suicidal thoughts.

I know that 90% of people who suffer from depression get better. It may take some time but and even thought I feel sick, I am taking positive actions. I am doing everything I can. I have an incredible family and friends in my support system. I am loved. I hated my body right now but I love myself.

When I get better I will save millions of people by sharing what I’ve learned. I feel bad today but tomorrow I will hope to feel better. If not tomorrow, I will likely feel better in the near future. I know what goes down must come up”.

OR

“Today is the worst day of my life. I will keep living for my family. I have a wife and kids that need me. Tomorrow will be a better day if I continue to take healthy actions towards my recovery”

OR

“This too shall pass”

OR

“I am a beautiful gift to the world”

Or, start with music:

If you aren’t ready for affirmations or think it’s not for you another way to use the similar technique is to listen to a song over and over that makes you feel good. Repeatedly singing postive lyrics can make you feel confident and help you shift your mood and focus.

For example: “I am Super woman. Yes I am, Yes I am.” – from Alicia Keys song “Superwoman”

 

Want more valuable tips and tactics for defeating depression?  Take the 7 Day Feel Better Now anonymous online course. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE.

The story of the zen farmer

By

the story of the zen farmerThis story was shared with me by my personal coach Robin H.C., an incredible woman who gave me the gift of this Taoist story in a moment of difficulty in my life. I think of it whenever I have a bad experience and share it with others who need. 

The story of the zen farmer and his nosey neighbor Katcha

One day in late summer, an old zen farmer was sitting on his porch – as he did most days after he completed his work – drinking tea and eating Goji berry pastries with his nosey neighbor Katcha. But on this particular day a storm began to brew. There was a loud crack of thunder that spooked the zen farmer’s only horse and it took off into the distance headed for the mountains.

Katcha, the nosey neighbor, offered his condolences: “What a shame.  Now your only horse is gone.  How unfortunate you are! You must be very sad. How will you live, work the land, and prosper? This is the worst thing that has ever happened to you” The farmer replied: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see”

Two days the zen farmer and his nosey neighbor Katcha were drinking tea on the porch once again when the old horse came galloping back. He brought with him a fleet of wild horses. He had returned with twelve younger, healthier horses to help him tend to the land.

Katcha squealed: “How fortunate you are! I thought your horse running off was the worst thing that ever happened to you. As it turns out, it’s simply the best thing. Now you have many more horses. You will certainly have the most prosperous farm in all the land. Isn’t this the best thing that ever happened?”

The zen farmer replied: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see”

The following day, the farmer’s 18-year old son was training the wild horses while the zen farmer and his nosey neighbor Katcha drank their tea.  He was thrown to the ground by one of them and broke his leg.

“Oh no.” said nosey neighbor Katcha.” I thought when the day your horse ran off was by far the worst day of your life. But this, is certainly your worst day ever. What a tragedy!  Your son won’t be able to help you farm with a broken leg. You’ll have to do all the work yourself, How will you survive? You must be very sad”.

Once again, as he always did, the zen farmer said: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see”

Several days later a war broke out. The Emperor’s men arrived in the village demanding that all the young men in the village be  be conscripted.  The farmer’s son was deemed unfit because of his broken leg.

Nosey neighbor Katcha said: “What good fortune you have!!”

And, the farmer replied: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see.”

When the broken leg healed the son was only left with a slight limp. And by that time, most of the young village boys had died in the war. Lucky for the villagers the zen farmer and his son were still able to tend to their farm.   The old farmer became wealthy and generously shared his crops with the village.

They said: “Oh how fortunate we are, you must be very happy. You have such luck!”

To which, the zen farmer replied: “Could be good. Could be bad. We shall see.”

 

This story illustrates the inevitability of time. While you can only know for certain what’s happened in the past and present, you can not predict the future.  There is great comfort in this understanding,  In times where life is stressful, you can take heart knowing it will inevitably pass. There is no stopping time.

 

Future projections exercise

By

Future projections exerciseWhen you are dealing with a difficult period in your life it’s important to remember the concept of time.  Here’s a definition to consider:

Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

Simply put, time is a continuum that starts the minute you are born and it never stops.  With each second  of a day that passes you become a different person.

This is a scientific fact. Even if you think you are the same and feel the same from moment to moment you are different. Your biology changes by the second. Your environment changes. And together these aspects shape you in the present moment.

This concept is at the core of Buddhist teachings. They call it impermanence.  It is a term used to explain that the world and our existence is in a constant state of flux.  Time passes on no matter what and no one can stop it.

This is an especially important concept to consider in moments where life is not working the you way you want it to. Sometimes it feels that things will never change or that it will never get better. That is impossible.

While feelings are relevant to the way you experience the world it has nothing to do with reality. Feelings can’t be measured in distance, time and form. And feelings change from moment to moment as time shifts and new things happen.

So, no matter how bad your situation, it helps to understand that it is inevitable that your situation will change. It may get worse for a while. It may get better.  But life is a constant state of ups and downs.

The more you accept that life is constantly changing with your control the more you can learn to go with the flow and take heart in bad times knowing it will get better.  What goes up inevitably must go down, and vice versa.  Sometimes it goes far down. But it always comes back up eventually.

Future projections exercise

  1. Find a quiet place to sit or lay with no distractions
  2. Set a 5 minute timer
  3. Close your eyes
  4. In your mind visualize yourself as you are right now.  Get present to your clothes, your body, your surroundings. Get present to your unhappiness. Get present to your depression.  Feel your sadness. Feel your pain. Do this for 1-2 minutes. Now, shift your thoughts to a future time where you are happy. You can be doing anything in this future memory. Include people you want. Cloth yourself and create your body the way you want it to look.  Feel how happy you are. See yourself doing something you love.  Think about how great it all is.  Stay in this memory for as long as you like or shift to another memory. If you like you can even travel to the past and visit your past accomplishments. Feel the happiness in moments that were incredible.
  5. When you open your eyes you will wake up and life will be as it was when you closes your eyes. But know it is now 5 minutes beyond the time it was so the world is already a different place. You are already closer to your future memory. What is right now, won’t be soon.

Keep this old adage present as you move into your day: “This too, shall pass”

Quotes to help you through

By Leave a Comment

Quote to get you throughWhen you have pervasive negative thoughts advice from people you admire can you help quickly shift your context, get out of your head and back to reality. The following is a list of quotes to empower you during tough moments of life. Simply read these quotes slowly and think about them to help shift your thinking and feel more positive.

(retrieved from brainyquote.com)

 

The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.

– Eminem

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

-Buddha

Into each life some rain must fall.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

 

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.

-Marie Curie

 

 

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.

-Grenville Kleiser

 

Depression is the inability to construct a future.

-Rollo May

 

 

It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.

-Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

-Phil Donahue

Why you need a health advocate

By

When you were a kid your mom likely stayed home from work to take care of you when you were sick.  She made you chicken soup. She bathed you. She wrapped you up in a blanket. She kissed you.  She was in charge of taking care of you, so you could be in charge of focusing on getting healthy.

When you’re depressed it’s the same thing. You need help and care from those around you.  Though, you may be trying to do things yourself because when you don’t have physical symptoms you may think it’s up to you to “pull yourself together”. Why you need a health advocate

But remember, depression is neurological disorder.  You need to heal even if you can’t see that you need to heal. Give yourself time.

Align yourself with people who understand and can help with small things. It’s what friends and family are for. And when people love you they often feel it’s their job to step up when you need them. Sometimes, taking care of you will fulfill their need to feel wanted and needed.

While you might appoint a few people in your life to take on basic daily tasks that help lighten your load you will need to decide who you can give the role of health advocate.  This is a person who is considerate of what you are going through and willing to be responsible for your health. They will take you to appointments, go to appointments with you, be there for support when you need it.

It’s important that you need formally ask them to do this for you.  And they need to formally accept.  You don’t want them to feel burdened by your needs.

Why you need a health advocate

Once you’ve been labeled with a mental illness you can seen as “unreliable” and “unstable” in the eyes of the world.  Mood irregularity is a symptom and so, sometimes people think you can’t be trusted, and you may not be seeing things for what they really are.  Whether it’s true or not, this is what many people think and believe. Including professionals.

So, you need someone who knew you before you were sick and can tell if you are being authentic about things and can monitor much of your daily activity so they can back up your story.

Here’s the crucial roles a health advocate will play:

Aliby: They can vouch for your character and help explain your actions. This will help professionals understand what is “normal” behavior for you because everyone is different.

Safety monitor: Your health advocate can keep an eye on you. They will call you and check in on your frequently. They’ll make sure you are safe. They’ll ensure your environment is safe. They’ll prevent you from taking your life if you feel the urge to.

Someone to talk to who will listen and be supportive:  Sometimes you need to vent or share your pain with someone. It helps you get it out. And being listened to and understood can make you feel less alone.

A second in command: They can take over and perform specific tasks when you aren’t able to. They may pick your kids up and drive them to school.  Deliver a meal for you. Or, take your dogs for walk.

Finance manager: When you’re sick unfortunately the bills you have to pay don’t go away. An advocate can help you reduce your costs, communicate with credit collectors and banks, or, pay bills and make trips to the back. They might also help you financially (but never expect this, your finances are still your responsibility).

Spokesperson: When you can’t talk they talk for you.

You may have multiple people handling multiple aspects of your life. But it is best to have one of these people be on top of everything. This could mean managing other people to do things.

Need help right away?  Take the 7 Days to Feel Better Now course. It’s anonymous and will help you get back on your feet. CLICK HERE.