Kay Walker – Page 13

Suicide support: What you need to know about helping your loved one

April 1, 2015 By Kay Walker

If you’re taking care of someone who is depressed or suicidal there are 3 things you need to know about supporting them effectively. These steps will help you help them and stay mentally fit while doing so.

Suicide support: What you need to know about helping your loved one

#1. Get mental health support for yourself: When you fly on a commercial flight most airlines have flight attends that walk you through safety procedures prior to lift off. They include how to use your oxygen mask and parachute. All of them advise that when flying with a baby or small child that the guardian must equip himself or herself first with safety gear before helping the child.

It’s the same with helping a loved one through suicide or depression. You need to be mentally stable. You need to understand how to effectively help and communicate with that person. You need to seek counsel yourself to deal with the emotions that come up from you.

You also need to make sure you clear yourself of all the mental crap that’s going on for you. If you start crying when they need strength, you won’t be able to provide them what they need.

Where to go for help? Align yourself with an accredited therapist your trust. This could be a life coach, psychotherapist, social worker, suicide prevention specialist, psychologist or psychiatrist. Many workplaces also offer this kind of support. Ask your employers about mental health benefits.

#2. Make choices for them: Whether you like it or not, you need to appoint yourself as the decision-maker, the health advocate, for your loved one. You can do this with permission, or silently take on the job without it.

Either way, depending on his mental state his judgement could be off of what he needs. Use your judgement. Ask others what they think. Ask professionals what they think. Then, make intelligent decisions that are in line with getting him help.

Go with them to appointments. Speak on their behalf when they can’t. Call the shots. In some circumstances they don’t have to like what you are doing. All your actions need to be in line with what’s best for the patient (your loved one) and how to help save them from making a mistake they can’t take back like suicide.

#3. Never leave someone who is suicidal alone. If you are concerned about your loved one or they have said to you that they feel suicidal, do not leave them alone. This doesn’t mean it’s your job to watch them. The easiest way to get someone into the care they need is to call 911. At a hospital they will have access to immediate care from professionals.

If they are currently working, you can contact their employer or insurance provider and find out what resources are available.

If you live in Canada, you can file a Form 2. This temporarily restricts the rights of your loved one for 72 hours. A police officer will take them away and bring them to a hospital where they will receive a psychiatric evaluation before being permitted to leave hospital.

Need immediate support? Click here to use our Ask An Expert feature. You will receive a response within 24-hours with actions you can take from qualified mental health experts.

What you need to know about suicide

March 28, 2015 By Kay Walker Leave a Comment

Who is most susceptible to suicide?

People who consider suicide are dealing with Major Depression. They experience suicidal thoughts and feelings as a result of emotional pain from either life circumstances, biological malfunctions, or a combination of the two.

The major depression that’s linked to suicide can happen to anyone. No one is exempt. Which means, suicide is not about a moral weakness or character flaw. When life becomes too difficult either from circumstances a person can’t control or from physical pain (which can be neurological) it’s only a logical train of thought to start considering suicide.

What causes a person to think about committing suicide?

Many variables contribute to an individual’s decision to end his/her life. They can range from factors such as the loss of a loved one, childhood abuse or other forms of major trauma, to serious physical illness or major life changes. These occurrences can lead a person to feel completely overwhelmed and unable to cope. Without proper support from community, a person will start to think about suicide and may eventually choose to take their life.

At what stage of life is a person most susceptible?

Seriously considering suicide can happen at any stage of life. Though, children can have depression, a person isn’t likely to think about suicide until their teen years. Suicidal thoughts can happen anywhere from age 16 to senior years.

The most serious cases are teens and middle-age men. When a person in either of these categories says they are thinking about committing suicide get help immediately. Don’t wait. Teens can attempt suicide as a call for help and end up killing themselves. Middle-aged men, on the other hand, are planned and deliberate. When they no longer want to live they take immediate action.

Can suicide be prevented?

Suicide is 100% preventible. Considering suicide at one point or another is actually quite normal. Seriously thinking about and planning for suicide is more serious, but people who deal with this can completely reverse the way they feel in a matter or moments to months. There are treatments that can help with the Major Depression that leads to suicide.

If you’re suicidal what should you do?

Go see a doctor. Get a second or third opinion. Get a formal diagnosis and do your own research and interviews with family members to ensure its accuracy.

Once you have an accurate diagnosis start a treatment plan. You should research all your treatment actions before you choose to undergo what’s been advised. Make sure you evaluate your treatment with your doctor ongoingly to ensure it’s working effectively.

The personal actions you can take that will impact your mood are to eat healthy, non-processed food involving all food groups and get regular fitness. You also want to ensure you social regularly, take time for yourself and work a daily job that satisfies you. If you are not happy with a component of your life, create a plan to make changes immediately.

What are the treatments methods for someone who feels suicidal?

Treatment could be one or a combination of the following:

Medication
Psychological therapies
Learning and incorporating new healthy life choice: Eating a well-balanced diet, exercising, working, socializing, relaxing

When your loved one gets a diagnosis

March 28, 2015 By Kay Walker Leave a Comment

If your friend or family member has been recently formally diagnosed with a mental disorder, by a qualified physical (or multiple physicians if they’ve gotten more than one opinion, which they should) – a General Practitioner, Naturopathic Doctor, Psychologist, Psychiatrist – they will be experiencing one of the following:

Relief / elation. She suddenly understands her symptoms and has the ability to deal with them.

Your thoughts might look something like: “Thank goodness I know what’s wrong with me, now I can get treatment and get better”

Fear of not being in complete control of your mood and behavior at times. Or, fear for the impact it could have on the rest of your life (ie. will it impact your work/ relationships/what people think about you). Or, you may experience fear from not fully know what to expect from your disorder.

Your thoughts might be something like this: “If I’m Bipolar 1, will anyone ever want to marry me? What if I end up cheating on them at some point. Can I even trust myself anymore”.

Anger that this is happening to you.

Your thoughts might be something like: “I can’t take this depression anymore! My life was great until this happened to me”

Sadness because who you thought you were is suddenly different. You may be upset that you need to make new lifestyle choices that you don’t necessarily want to make. Or, sad that dreams you had no longer seem possible.

Your thoughts might be something like: “I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s too painful”

If you are experiencing any of the above emotional states, what you are feeling is completely normal. No matter how you feel, the following list of actions will assist you in dealing with this difficult moment in your life in a powerful way. Taking immediate action will help you establish control in a position where you feel like you have none.

Dealing with a mental health diagnosis

March 27, 2015 By Kay Walker

Dealing with a mental health diagnosis

When you receive a formal diagnosis from a health professional you will feel one or a combination of the following emotions:

Relief / elation that you’ve discovered why you feel the way you do. Now that you know what’s going on, there are actions you can take that can help alleviate your symptoms.

Your thoughts might look something like: “Thank goodness I know what’s wrong with me, now I can get treatment and get better”

Your thoughts might be something like this: “If I’m Bipolar 1, will anyone ever want to marry me? What if I end up cheating on them at some point. Can I even trust myself any more”.

Anger that this is happening to you.

Your thoughts might be something like: “I can’t take this depression anymore! My life was great until this happened to me”

Your thoughts might be something like: “I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s too painful”

The minute you receive a mental disorder diagnosis from a qualified healthcare provider – that is, a General Practitioner, Psychologist or Psychiatrist – do the following:

Step 1: Get a second diagnosis:

You may even want to get two more (for a total of three diagnosis). If the professionals are aligned, it’s highly likely the diagnosis is accurate. It’s important you understand, that the way doctors diagnosis mental illnesses today is not fully precise. The way most mental illnesses are established are through verbal interviews.

This method of diagnosis, does not factor in the variable: Perception. If you want to understand this more visit the article: by clicking the link at the bottom of this page.

Step 2: Do your own research

Learn as much as you can about the disorder you’ve been given as a diagnosis. Read multiple resources, not just one. The more you know, the more you understand, and the more you can think for yourself.

Step 3: Interview close family / friends

Share your diagnosis and explain how the doctor arrived at it, to family members and friends that are actively involved in your life. These people know a lot about you. Many of them have also witnessed your behavior. So, what they think (though not a formal diagnosis) helps a doctor understand what the core problem is.

It will also help you validate or invalidate the diagnosis. For example, if you’re doctor suspects you have Bipolar I, but you don’t agree, polling your loved ones will help you see things you may not have seen before. Or, they will help you to build your case and search for a second opinion.

Often, medical professionals don’t get the full picture. This can cause a misdiagnosis. Which, can also lead to the incorrect treatment.

Remember: A mental disorder diagnosis always requires a thorough investigation from a qualified physician. The more evidence they have, the more they can piece together what is really going on.

Have your doctor interview others in your life. Or, ask if you can bring them with you to your appointment. It’s important you give them the space to say what they need to, even though some of those things may not be easy for you to hear.

Step 4: Don’t take it personally

It’s not your fault that you have a mental disorder. It is an illness that’s built up over time in your brain and body. It’s been caused by internal and external variables. And, it’s much like the flu even though you can’t explain it or point to it to prove it to others. It’s important you remember there is nothing wrong with you.

If your illness has caused you to behave in irrational or hurtful ways, understand that it doesn’t mean anything about you as a person. For example, if you’ve been a reclus because you are suffering from depression, it’s not entirely in your control to be social with loved ones.

The best thing you can do is learn about your illness, so you can be in control of it. Don’t let it be pervasive in your life either. Once you know you have a disorder it’s easy to let yourself off the hook for certain behaviors. You have a disorder and you still have control.

Step 5: Take action

Don’t just wait around for help to come to you. Take action. Even if the action you take is to ask someone to take action for you. When you take action, whether it results in positive or negative effects, it will lead you to a new place. The forward momentum will immediately put you in the power seat of your life.

What to do when a loved one says: “I want to kill myself”

March 14, 2015 By Kay Walker

When you hear one of these phrases from a friend or family member, it’s terrifying:

“I want to die”

“I’ve been thinking about killing myself”

“I don’t want to live anymore”

No one ever teaches us how to have these types of conversations. This article will give you some guidance on how to effectively communicate with your loved one, to support them, and get them to a place where they are out of immediate danger.

It’s not your job to fix this person or make them feel better. It’s your job to listen. You are a triage point of care. It’s your job to help ease painful symptoms and get this person to a qualified healthcare provider for care.

What to do when a loved one says: “I want to kill myself”

How to talk to someone who is suicidal

When a loved one calls you, emails you, texts you or says: “I’ve been thinking about killing myself”, these tips will help guide you in what to say:

Take yourself out of the conversation. It might make you very upset when you hear your loved one talk about ending their life. It’s important you understand this conversation has nothing to do with you.

Though, it can drive up some emotions for you that are very hard to deal with. People deal with emergency situations in many different ways – sadness, anger, avoidance, control.

Do your best to put your feelings aside in the moment. If you immediately start getting upset and say things like: “You can’t kill yourself. I can’t live without you”, or get angry and say things like: “That’s so selfish of you. Pull yourself together”, it will do nothing to help your loved one.

If you feel intense emotions, keep them to yourself at this point in time. There is a time to share. But it’s not now. So, if you are about to say something that has the word “I” in it, slow down and think about your words before you speak.

Make them feel accepted. If your loved one shares suicidal thoughts with you, they are being very vulnerable. A person considering suicide may be embarrassed, confused, think others might think they are crazy, and/or feel very alone.

Reassure them. Tell them that what they are feeling is not wrong or abnormal. Make them feel understood by sharing a personal tough time you had that you’ve overcome, if you can relate to the situation. If you can’t relate, it’s okay to say so, but ask them questions and then do more research on your own time to learn about how they feel so you can help them.

Here are some things you could say:

Relate to them: “Wow, I didn’t know you’ve been feeling so terrible. I never told you this, but when I was young I went through something similar…”

Understand what they are going through without judgement: “I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with right now, but I want to help you in any way I can. What do you need from me?…”

Empower them by sharing about the strength you know they have: “I know you might feel alone right now but many people consider suicide at difficult times in life. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. I know who you are. You are more powerful than what you are feeling right now…”

Just listening is a powerful tool. It will make them feel heard. It will allow them to get the thoughts circling through their head out.

Probe gently to find out how serious they are about suicide. It’s important you gain an understanding of how bad the situation is right now. This will help you and other mental health professionals understand the severity of your loved ones mental state. Probe gently by asking questions such as:

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

“What’s making your feel this way?”

“Have you considered how you would actually take your life?”

“Is there anything you’ve been doing to try and make yourself feel better?”

It will help you assess how close to actually committing suicide you think they are. If they’ve been investigating ways to do it, get help immediately. If they’ve been thinking about it seriously for more than two weeks, get help immediately.

You also might want to do a little investigating. You may want to check the search history on their personal computer. Or talk to other close family members and friends about what they think or know.

But, make sure they do not find out. They trust you and you don’t want to do anything to break that trust, however, the more you understand, the more you can help. You may have to go behind their back, but it’s only for good. Suicidal people can be very secretive.

Ask them, straight out, how you can support them. Make sure you ask them what they need. They may or may not give you some suggestions. Be sure to include this in your conversation. You could say:

“What do you need from me right now?”

“How can I help you?”

“Can I set up an appointment with you and Dr. S?”

Get into immediate action. Put the rest of your life on hold and deal with this immediately. A person considering suicide takes priority over everything else. Don’t learn this the hard way by thinking you’ve got time and realizing it’s too late after they’re gone. This happens all to often.

They need to see a professional immediately. The best thing for them is to call 911 or have them committed to a mental health facility. Though, this may be difficult for you, it’s what they need to get better.

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