Parents of Depressed Teens

Help for Parents and caregivers of Depressed Teens

Parents of Depressed Teens

Character modeling exercise for teens

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Character modeling exercise for teens

It’s been scientifically proven that people who model behaviors of people they look up to and would like to be like, start to take on their behaviors much quicker.  Learning to act like someone you admire can also be an effective way to bust out of negative behaviors or behaviors that stop you from acting in ways you’d like to.

Teach this easy exercise to your teen. They can use it when they are battling with a negative emotion or dealing with a lack of self esteem. It’s important teens learn healthy ways to quickly stop negative behavior and replace it with positive behaviors. (You may even benefit from using this yourself).

Stop negative behavior with this character modeling exercise

Explain to them that when they identify a behavior they want to change, they can change it simply by stepping into the “beingness” of another person. This person can be fictional or factual. It’s like role playing. It uses “the fake it till you make it principle”, allowing you to act like someone else until you learn how to do it yourself.

Here’s how to use the Character Modeling tool:

Step 1: Choose or create a person with the behaviors you’d like to exhibit. This should be a person you’d like to be like. If it helps to build an avatar – to write out a description of an imaginary person you’d like to behave like – you can do that.

Step 2: Define all the character traits that person would exhibit in a similar situation to you. You can think of this before a given situation occurs or as it happens.

Step 3: Be that person. You do this by staying present to what that person would do and how they would behave if they faced the same situation. In a sense you are role playing.

Personally, I tend to use powerful famous women that I look up to.  When I have to interview someone who intimates me I choose to be Oprah Winfrey.

Here is how I see Oprah’s behaviors during an interview: Confident, personable, empathetic, human (relatable), authentic, not trying to be perfect, genuine.

When I step into being these traits I almost forget who I am and the fears that are hold me back.

For a teen, you may want to look at who they admire. What famous people does your teen look up to?  It’s likely they like those people due to specific behaviors they admire.

Even if you’re teen thinks this exercise is silly they’ll likely secrettly use it when they need to.

Why your teen should always get a second opinion

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When you’re teen is sick, especially if you think they have a mental health condition, one of the most important things to remembers is: ALWAYS make sure they get a second opinion.why you should always get a second opinion

Or a third. Or forth. Really. Get as many as you can for them. The more you get, the more expert evidence you can collect as to what is the real issue.  

As the parent, it’s your responsibility to make sure your teen gets the diagnosis and support they need. Part of that means always being aware and taking an active role in helping them seek support and during recovery.

In the end, you’ve watched your teen grow and develop. You likely know better than any doctor what is normal behavior for them. You likely witness their symptoms firsthand.

Don’t believe what your family doctor says because they have the “almighty powers” that come with the allowance to put the letters M.D. after their name. While they are more knowledgeable than you on the topic of medicine, they are still human.

And humans make mistakes. Even doctors. They have bad days and can miss important aspects of your teen’s diagnosis. They also have different life experiences, which may make give them different ideas about diagnosis.

Why you should always get a second opinion

The problem with mental health diagnosis and perception:

If you break your leg your doctor will take an x ray, show you the evidence, and put your leg in a cast. That’s not like mental health diagnosis. The evidence medical professionals have to go on is a set of behaviors that can’t be represented physically. Their evaluations are based on symptoms that your teen exhibits or expresses to them that they have.

Some doctors will be smart enough to take the problem of perception into account. Some won’t. It can be a problem. So, what you need to do is be aware of how humans frame stories. This includes yourself.

Teen depression and other types

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There are six common types of major depression and they are listed with symptoms below. It’s important to familiarize yourself with the different types so you can understand if your teen is dealing with one of them.

It’s also important you understand that teen depression has some distinctive features, here they are:

Teen depression symptoms

In additional to the regular symptoms of depression, a teen with depression may exhibit:

  • Irritability
  • Self harm
  • Negative emotions expressed in art
  • Skipping school or bad grades
  • Lack of socialization with other teens or lack of drive to be social
  • Abusing substances
  • Complaining about physical symptoms like headaches or stomach ache
  • Highly sensitive to criticism

Types of major depression

Major depressive disorder, also referred to as unipolar depression

  • Interferes with ability to function
  • Affects all areas of life – relationships, work, sleep eating
  • Episodes may occur several times in a person’s life
  • Slowed movements, speech and thinking, speak less, some stop speaking
  • Have recurring thoughts about their own death – range from thinking about it to seriously considering

Manic-depressive disorders, more commonly known as bipolar disorder

  • Serious mental illness involving episodes of depression that alternate with mania. Mania is feelings or greatness and elation, sudden energy, and feeling uncontrollable power. Sometimes depression and mania occur simultaneously shifting from one to the other rapidly.

Dysthymic disorder

  • Milder form of depression that lasts longer.
  • Feeling of melancholy
  • Unable to get really excited about life
  • Can still function but feel gloomy

Seasonal Affective disorder

  • Often brought on in the winter months, though it can occur as a reverse
  • Could be a result of disruption of circadian rhythm or lack of Vitamin D
  • Full spectrum lights can help
  • Less that 2% of people in Florida have SAD, while 10% of people in New Hampshire do

Psychotic depression

  • 15% of depressed people experience delusions or hallucinations
  • Often need to be hospitalized to prevent themselves from suicide

Postpartum depression

  • 4 weeks – year after a woman gives birth
  • Most women experience baby blues, postpartum is far more severe
  • May involve delusions or hurting themselves or their newborn
  • Many women feel a great amount of guilt
  • 10% of new mothers

What to do before you medicate your teen

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North America relies on a treatment-first approach to solving depression, which means, many doctors are too quick to put teens on antidepressant medications. Prescriptions are dolled out in excess with little work done to uncover if the teen really needs them in the first place.

It’s recommended that parents try alternatives – natural remedies and therapy – first. The teen brain is still not fully developed and antidepressants change brain structure.  There is also a small percentage of teens who experience increased suicidal thoughts when put on these medications.

Parents should read and consider the questions below before putting their teen on an antidepressant medication.

1. Does your teen have a brain chemical imbalance or are they experiencing depressive symptoms due to stress in life, or an inability to handle stress?  There are varying degrees of depression. That means what causes are different and how to treat it is different. Some people have a brain chemical issue. Some people don’t. Most teens don’t have a brain chemical issue, they have an inability to handle stress. Most teens simply need to make changes to their life or learn new ways of handling situations and emotions and their mood will improve. It’s important you as their parent know the differences. If you haven’t already, download the Depression Recovery Map and watch the accompanying three parent video series.

2. Has your teen been seen more than one medical professional for a diagnosis? There is one factor that exists and can’t be eliminated in the process of diagnosing depression, it is: Perception. Each doctor has a different level of expertise and different experience and that means they bring a different view to diagnosing a patient. Since diagnosing depression relies on questioning and subjective experience of the doctor misdiagnosis happens a lot.  Take your teen to see two or more professionals. It’s crucial you get a second opinion before you decide on a course of treatment.

3. Is your teen eating properly, physically active and sleeping enough? There are base physical requirements the body needs to ensure it can function at normal levels and produce the chemicals involved in regulating happy mood. Does your teen eat a well-balanced diet? Are they getting enough complex carbohydrates that are essential for brain health? Are they physically active (getting a minimum of 30 minutes a day)?  Are they sleeping a minimum of six to ten hours?

4. Does your teen know how to deal with tough emotions and life challenges? The teenage years mark the transition from childhood to adulthood so teens are only learning now how to be serious about life and be responsible. The teens years are challenging for most people. Part of building health stress resiliency skills involves making mistakes and learning how to deal with them in positive ways. Do you think your teen knows how to manage emotions effectively? Do they need to learn? Therapy and healthy mentors (that aren’t necessarily you because teens don’t want to share everything with their parents) can help.

5. Does your teen have an adult in their life they can talk to about emotions and life challenges? It’s helpful when teens have an adult in their life, that is not their parents, that they can confide in when they need to. This person could be a relative, a counsellor or therapist.

6. Have you tried natural supplements for your teen?  It’s suggested that some people are born with a genetic vulnerability for depression. It’s recommended that you try natural supplements before medications to see if any of those help your teen improve their mood.

7. How is your relationship with your teen?  Many parents who have defiant teens rush to send them to therapists and think they are worse than they are.  Sometimes teens resent parents for the choices they make that result in changes to their life that are out of control. You may want to consider learning some new communications tactics and try to restore or rebuild any issues in your relationship.  It’s important you can communicate effectively with your teen.

8. Do you think your teen needs an antidepressant because they are harming themselves or communicating through writing and art that they “hate themselves” or think about suicide?  Teens are struggling with emotions and learning who they are during these years. Many of them haven’t learned how to communicate with words what they are dealing with inside. It’s not unusual that teens communicate negative emotions through art or by harming themselves. While this does signal that your teen needs immediate help, it does not mean they need to necessary be put on a medication right away.

The decision to put your teen on an antidepressant should be considered with due diligence before taking action. Watch this quick video for more on teens and antidepressant medications.

How your digestive system affects your mood

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If you’ve seen a health professional (or professionals) for depression and no one has asked you the question: “Are you regular?”, you need to understand how having a healthy bowel is related to your mood. (Aside from the fact that having irregular bowel movements is uncomfortable).

How your digestive system affects your moodI learned about the connection in 2008.  I was taking a low dose of an antidepressant (prescribed to me during my teen years) that I was trying to wean off of, and went to see a naturopathic doctor.

He asked me how often I passed a bowel movement. I explained I was constantly irregular: “Sometimes I only go once a week!” I told him.  He explained that the situation was problematic and was likely causing my depressed mood. He prescribed me a combination of healthy bowel supplements, which I took by mouth.  I started having daily bowel movements. My mood improved and I was able to discontinue  my antidepressants. At the time, I never felt happier.

Your digestive system impacts your mood

Did you know, your body has two brains?

Your gut is the component of your digestive track that allows your body to digest food and process it into waste and eliminate it, by sending it out your anus.

What most people don’t know about the gut is that it works independently. It’s the only organ that works without being controlled by your cranial brain (the one inside your skull). That means, it’s also wired with a network of neurons (brain cells). There are approximately 400 to 600 million neurons in your gut.

For this reason, the gut is commonly called the “second brain” or “gut brain”. And it’s pre-empted a new school of research called neurogastroenterology.

How the cranial brain and gut brain interact

Your gut brain manufactures approximately 30 neurotransmitters (brain chemicals).  It talks to the brain in your head, your cranial brain, by sending messages through a region at the based of your brain that extends to abdomen, called the vagus nerve.

Your gut brain sends signals to your cranial brain that affect feelings of sadness, stress and that influence your thinking processes. Both brains produce the neurotransmitter (chemical messenger) serotonin. And get this: Your gut produces 95 percent of all the serotonin in your body. Your guts also makes 50% of the dopamine (another feel good brain chemical) in your body.

So, are you regular?

Frequency:  Are you passing a bowel anywhere from 1-3 times a day.  These averages suggest a normal range, though some individuals go slightly less (3-5 times per week) and some go more (up to 4 times per day). As you long as you are going at least every other day and you feel comfortable (you’re not dealing with stomach pain or discomfort)  it’s likely not affecting your mood.

Appearance: Your bowel movements should be a shade of brown.  They are brown because your liver produces a substance called bile, which helps your body break down and eliminate food. If your stool (your poop) is black or has red in it, you may have blood in your stool. This may suggest other serious illnesses.

Last thoughts on bowel health

If you are irregular, you’ll want to tell your doctor. You’ll be able to learn of ways that you can get your bowels back in working order.  To learn more about the connection between your brain and gut check out the book Second Brain by Michael Gershon.

And if you’d like to discover other issues that could be affecting your mood, or learn about therapies that can help you, grab a copy of the book: Read This Before You Kill Yourself.