Caregivers of depressed adults

Help for Parents and caregivers of Depressed Teens

Caregivers of depressed adults

Affirmations and how they work

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Affirmations are valuable tools when you used to challenge and change beliefs, negative thoughts and behaviors. Teach your loved one about them. Use them yourself. Share this article with your depressed loved one to help them understand and learn to use affirmations.

What is an affirmation?

An affirmation is a statement or phrase that is either real or made up, that you say repeatedly to yourself to reinforce its truth. What you believe about yourself or a situations shapes your thoughts and your thoughts shape your behavior. So, if you can shift what you believe by forcing yourself to learn a new “truth”, your thoughts and behaviors will transform, as well.

Affirmations and how they work:

How affirmations work:

Your brain does not know the difference between what is real and what is fantasy. It’s easy to understand this concept by thinking about the way you interact with a movie.  Sometimes you get so caught up in what is happening on screen that you empathize with the characters by crying or laughing. (Aside: The same is true for visualizations. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a imagining action and actually doing it).

Affirmations help you reframe your thought patterns through the science of neuroplasticity. This is the brain’s ability to change structure through the process of thinking.  So processes that involve thinking – such as learning a new skill – have the ability to reshape the brain’s anatomy in both positive and negative ways.

Quick example of neuroplasticity: One famous study that led to the discovery of neuroplastictiy, proved that London taxi cab drivers had a larger brain region for memory (called the hippocampus) retention due to the job’s demands on them drivers ability to remember routes.

Affirmations allow you to shift what you think about a situation more quickly. Sometimes, even if you don’t quite believe them, they can help you think positively. Or they allow you to hold a reality based thought in your focus while you have a tendency to think otherwise.

That means, if you were once told you were fat when you were young, even as an adult you may have a tendency to think “I’m fat” or “I’m going to get fat”. And those thoughts may have nothing to do with your current reality if you stand on the scale. Eitherway, you tend to see the thought before the truth and that thought shapes your actions, in this case, dieting, starving yourself, working out to an extreme etc.

Thoughts get worse when they aren’t challenged by reality. This happens especially if you don’t test the thoughts in the real world by asking others for their opinion to validate what’s in your head. Additionally, when you spend too much time alone the thoughts learn to go round and round and can become pervasive and obsessive.

Choosing or creating an affirmation:

How do you know what to say to yourself? You can choose to say a phrase that empowers you by reading something that is already written.  Choose a quote and repeat it over and over. Start with five minutes a day. Use a phrase the helps you break out from your depressed mood, or make you feel a bite better. It could be as simple as: “This time in my life will pass, tomorrow will be better”. Or as personal as “I am the best Mary Kay sales woman in the region. Today I will land six sales. I will make calls I don’t want to make because I know the more conversations I have today, the closer I will get to earning a new car”

Affirmations don’t have to be true, but they do have to be believable to you and possible in reality. Therefore this would only work: “I will help millions of people” , if you believe you can actually do this. It is a stretch for some people.

How to create an affirmation that makes you feel confident, excites you, or improves your thoughts about a situation:

  1. Decide what it is you want most for yourself in the near future.
  2. Write down the reality of where you are in relation to that future. These should be FACTS only. That means they are variables that can be measured in distance time and form.
  3. The last one to four sentences should be positive or “I will” sentences that are completely made up but realistic and related to what you want in your future.
  4. Your affirmation can be as long or short as you want it to be.  You should not go over 25 sentences. It should be something you can read 1 or more times a day to presence yourself to what you’d like to achieve.

EXAMPLE:

“I have been living with a depressed mood for eight months. My body aches.  I have less energy than I used to.  I tend to sleep as much as I can through the day. I am frustrated because I’ve seen many doctors and am not getting healthier. I am taking antidepressants but I am getting sicker. I’ve gained 30lbs. I have suicidal thoughts.

I know that 90% of people who suffer from depression get better. It may take some time but and even thought I feel sick, I am taking positive actions. I am doing everything I can. I have an incredible family and friends in my support system. I am loved. I hated my body right now but I love myself.

When I get better I will save millions of people by sharing what I’ve learned. I feel bad today but tomorrow I will hope to feel better. If not tomorrow, I will likely feel better in the near future. I know what goes down must come up”.

OR

“Today is the worst day of my life. I will keep living for my family. I have a wife and kids that need me. Tomorrow will be a better day if I continue to take healthy actions towards my recovery”

OR

“This too shall pass”

OR

“I am a beautiful gift to the world”

Or, start with music:

If you aren’t ready for affirmations or think it’s not for you another way to use the similar technique is to listen to a song over and over that makes you feel good. Repeatedly singing postive lyrics can make you feel confident and help you shift your mood and focus.

For example: “I am Super woman. Yes I am, Yes I am.” – from Alicia Keys song “Superwoman”

Common depression challenges and what to do about them

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For people who are depressed it often takes a lot of time (months to years) to feel better. That means, for your depressed loved one they’ll be living with painful symptoms and need to learn what to do about them.

Here’s a list of some of the challenges your loved one could be dealing with right now and ways to help them deal with them powerfully. This article was written for them so feel free to share it after you read it.

Depressed and waiting to get professional help: Common challenges

CHALLENGE: You don’t want to socialize with anyone

Depressed and waiting to get professional helpRight now, for you, talking could take too much of effort. It can be extremely stressful when you have to explain what you’re dealing with. Or, defend yourself for not wanting to be social. You could also be suffering from feelings of guilt. You might be thinking you’re a burden to others and you don’t want to put them out by letting them know how bad you feel.

Words from someone who’s been there: Don’t put yourself down for not wanting to be social at this point of your life. It’s okay. Give yourself a break. Allow yourself to be alone if you need to. 

What is important though, is that you are as honest as possible (as you feel comfortable being) with people who are closest to you. Be straight with them. Teach them how to communicate with you. Tell them how much time you need to be alone. If you tell them what you are going through when you feel better you won’t have to deal with a trail of broken relationships.

CHALLENGE: Your body aches

Physically your body might be in breakdown. If you feel like you are 100 years old it’s because biologically there could be things happening to you that are causing your body to go into slow motion.

The cause could be stress, which leads to inflammation in the body and tension in the muscles. Or, it could be a neurological issue causing you to have difficulties processing information in the brain. You may also have fibromyalgia.

Words from someone who’s been there: Treat your sore body with physical therapies. Take hot baths. Sit in a sauna or hot a tub. Get a massage. Do whatever exercises you can do to loosen up. This could be anything from stretching, walking, or yoga to running. Find what works for you.

CHALLENGE: You can’t stop yourself from eating

If you’ve developed binge eating disorder it’s quite normal during severe depression. When the body is experiencing pain the brain goes into a survival mode seeking pleasure to help it cope and to keep you alive. When you can’t get happy sometimes food is the only thing that provides you with the pleasure you are craving.

At the neurological level, the brain acts before you take action. So, if you feel powerless with your urges, that is because you kind of are. When the brain is starved of the nutrients it needs to create serotonin, your body craves sugar and carbohydrates.

Words from someone who’s been there: Try to control your eating by staying away from food when it’s not meal time. When you do eat, eat in the company of others. Even though it might be embarrassing, ask others for support to keep food away from you by locking cupboards.

Do your best not to blame yourself if you can’t stop eating. It’s a phase that will pass. If you are gaining weight rapidly you can lose it when you are healthy. Weight comes and goes and it’s under your control. I personally gained 30lbs during my depression and lost it within 2 months during my recovery.

During this time, it’s important to eat a well balanced diet as best you can – carbs, protein, vegetables, fruits and dairy. Avoid eating processed foods. They will make the issue worse.

CHALLENGE: You don’t want to eat

If you have no appetite you may not be eating properly. That’s a major issue if you are trying to get healthy. It’s essential that you eat a well balanced healthy, process-free diet.

Words from someone who’s been there: Ask for support from someone close to you to help you eat. Eat with others if you can. If you really can’t bring yourself to eat, get a shake from a health store. It will help you get the nutrients you need to get better and it takes no effort to make or ingest.

CHALLENGE: Your body is weak but your mind is jumpy

You know what I mean if this is happening to you. You feel like a senior citizen but your brain is skipping from one thing to another. Or, you just find it impossible to concentrate on anything.

 Words from someone who’s been there: Busying yourself with a basic task like cleaning a room, playing a simple game, or painting a picture can help. Sometimes talking to someone can help stop the mental chatter. Music is another great thing to put in your ear. You may need to walk around with an ipod and a set of ear phones.

Sometimes nothing helps. The important thing to know is that it will get better. It’s just a phase. If it’s really bad, go to the emergency room. Sometimes physicians will prescribe a temporary sedative medicine to get you through a rough time.

 CHALLENGE: Your thinking about killing yourself but you don’t want to have to

When the pain of life is unbearable and you can’t see an end, it’s easy to get hopeless. If can’t stop thinking about suicide you are in an emergency situation. If the thoughts are going as far as to how you would take your life, you are not in a state to even trust yourself.

Words from someone who’s been there: If you are having suicidal thoughts that are persistent and constant the best thing to do is to let someone know. Choose someone you can feel comfortable talking to and who will be able to deal with what you say to them.

Call a crisis line for support. Call 911 for immediate assistance. Don’t think you can wait it out.

How art therapy can help relieve depression

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Art is an incredible tool to help ease symptoms of depression.  It is a way to divert thoughts about pain temporarily to get some relief. It can also encourage the feelings of pleasure, during bouts of depression.. It can include watching a form of entertainment, listening to music, or even creating a piece of visual art.

When I was in the hospital being treated for depression, there was great emphasis on art as a tool to escape and ease symptoms of mental and physical pain.

Share this article with your loved one and help them to try art as a hobby to relieve symptoms.

How art therapy can help relieve depression

Here are some of the art activities I used as therapeutic tools:

I listened to music and was able to get some enjoyment from life. The words helped me focus my thoughts. I listened to songs that reminded me that life would get better.

I watched funny shows. Even when I couldn’t laugh I could appreciate that these shows were funny. I remembered what it was like to enjoy the shows when I was healthy. I remembered how pleasurable they were.

Visual art projects helped me escape from negative thoughts. I created art pieces that made me feel as sense of a accomplishment at a time in my life where my body and energy levels restrained my actions.

Using visual art therapy:

I found visual art projects to be the most helpful for depression.  Though, there are times that using art as a therapeutic tool can be frustrating. Here are some rules to help you using art to relieve symptoms of depression:

Here are the rules for using art as therapy:

  1. Choose a simple art task:  Don’t try to create a masterpiece if you are not a regularly practiced artist, and especially if you think you have no artistic skill. That’s not what this is about. It’s about losing yourself in a project that requires you to focus on something beautiful and inspiring. Choose an art project that a Grade 3 student would do such as: Coloring a picture, painting with your fingers,  or painting a piece of clay.
  2. Keep it to yourself unless you feel like sharing. Creating a piece of art for the purpose of therapy and enjoyment can be personal.  You don’t need to make something you think other people will love. It’s more about exploration. You don’t need to share your piece. If you want to go for it. But make sure you are comfortable with constructive criticism.
  3. Stop if you get frustrated. If the project you chose is making you irritable, angry, or mad at yourself, it’s time to stop. Clearly this isn’t a relaxing process. Stop. Throw away the piece you are working on (or come back to it another time) and start again later.

If you’re interested in losing your mind in art, here is list of suggested projects. It’s hard to go wrong with these art projects:

  1. Paint ceramics. Go an art supply store and purchase a piece of clay that inspires you. Buy some acrylic paints and clear glaze.
  2. Get a coloring book and color in a pictures.
  3. Purchase a paint by numbers kit.
  4. Use acrylic paints on a canvas, and props, like plastic forks and knives, to make paint an abstract picture.
  5. Learn how to Zentangle. It’s very relaxing design technique. Anyone can create a beautiful picture.

Self-care: Are they getting enough?

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What is self-care?

Self care is a set of intentional actions you take to nourish, or in other words, be kind to your physical and mental well-being. The different between fun and self care is that self care makes you feel relaxed, whereas, fun energizes you.

It’s important everyone engage in self-care actions. Use the list below to assess if you or your loved are getting enough. If not, try to incorporate at least one action into your schedule every other day. Advise your loved one to do the same.

Self-care: Are you getting enough?

Common actions of self care are:

self-care: are you getting enough?

  • Getting a massage
  • Giving yourself a massage
  • Taking a hot bath
  • Sitting in a sauna
  • Going to a spa
  • Getting a manicure or pedicure
  • Getting a haircut
  • Meditating
  • Watching a movie or TV
  • Spending time with family members or friends that make you feel happy
  • Taking your dog for a walk
  • Petting an animal
  • Walking in nature
  • Gardening
  • Cooking and eating a wholesome meal
  • Sleeping
  • Listening to music you enjoy
  • Sex
  • Masturbation
  • Reading a fiction novel
  • Painting an abstract picture
  • Swimming
  • Sitting in a hot tub
  • Travel
  • Shopping

Why self-care is easy to forget about

Many self-care actions are not considered “productive” actions in North American Society.  (ie. What does getting a pedicure have to do with anything?). This is why it’s also not a learned skill, it’s a choice. So, most people don’t naturally put self care in their schedules. It is easily overlooked because it is not something you have to do, or necessary for your survival. Most of us learn to do the things we have to do before what we need to do for our health because doing what we have to do ensures our survival.

A good self care rule to stick to:

At a minimum, ensure you take at least three self care actions per week to ensure a you maintain a positive mental state.  At maximum consider incorporating this rule “treat yourself as you would treat a baby”. It is a good way to nourish your physical and mental state, and keep it top of mind.

When you “treat yourself as you would treat a baby” your actions are correlate, so you most likely only eat natural and wholesome foods, you make sure to dress impeccably, you go to sleep on time (or allow yourself some naps), you play and have fun, you work your body (like a baby practices their motor skills).

What to tell your loved one when they can’t afford health insurance

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Many people with depression are unable to work. If you live in the U.S. this can be especially problematic because it can affect their ability to receive health insurance coverage.  So, if you see your depression love one is having difficulty with their health because they can’t afford medication or treatment you can help by sharing this article with them. Below are some things they can do:

What to do when you can’t afford health insurance and you’re depressed

Search for sliding scale therapists. Many therapists offer what’s called a sliding scale fee, which means you pay a rate per therapy session that is based on your income level. This could be as little as $20 per session.  It’s helpful for you and for them. Many therapists don’t like to have to turn away business to those who need it most. They realize the truth of the market they’re in, that many people with mental illness cannot afford therapy.

Look into federally funded programs. In many states there are federally run programs. For many of them you can participate by a pay by donation fee of what you can afford. To find a center near you visit: http://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/

Seek out local organizations and crisis resource centers. Your city or state may have crisis organizations and centers that help community members dealing with many issues, including mental illness. In many areas you can access one of these centers simply by dialing 211.

Look into patient-assistance programs provided by pharmaceutical companies.If you’ve been to a doctor and have been prescribed a medication that you can’t afford you can see if the pharmaceutical company that manufactures your offers a patient-assistance payment program. If you need prescription assistance visitPartnership for Patient Assistance for more information.

Are you eligible for Medicaid coverage? If you are a U.S. citizen with a low income or a disability you may be able to apply for Medicaid and CHIP. They provide free or low-cost health coverage to millions of Americans, this includes people with mental health issues. Programs are run by federal and state governments together so the details vary between states.

Use the free immediate help features on this site. ReadThisBeforeYouKillYourself.com has a suite of free and low-cost resources specifically created for people suffering from depression, mental health issues and who may be considering suicide. You can use the Ask an Expert feature to send an anonymous question to a team of healthcare experts, or take the 7-day Feel Better Now  program that will teach you tactics for immediate pain relief.

Use Quora. Have a question for an health care expert? You can also use Quora to post an inquiry and get it answered by many professionals. They can help point in the right direction.

Participate in clinical trials. It may not sound ideal but participating in a clinical trial can be a free way to get the therapy and drugs that may be able to help you. There are many research studies being conducted across the country and many are at the forefront of the latest therapies for treating mental health.

Appoint a health advocate. As you read through this list of options you may feel overwhelmed and exhausted by everything you need to do. Appoint someone in your life to help you navigate the healthcare system. This person can do all the research and find the resources for you, when you can’t do it yourself.

Don’t give up. No matter how alone you feel, there are thousands of people who want to know about what you are dealing with and who are waiting to help you. Sometimes acknowledging that you don’t know what to do and asking people in your life to help you will give you the support you need to succeed.

Need help now? Use the Ask an Expert.  Let us know what you need by providing us with a question and the details of your situation. It’s anonymous and you’ll get a response within 24 hours.